And so it is settled

I must say. Aritzia is disappointing. It's probably just me though. It didn't appeal to me and I don't think it ever will.

The way that the store is decorated on the outside is alluring (decieving almost) but alas, it does not live up to its promise.

I think I've grown out of coffee. It does nothing for me now.

You know what would be fun?

Dressing up manequins.

They don't complain. They have perfect posture and to make it even more perfect, they don't ever gain that dreaded five pounds.

Perfect!

"Hello Moto"

So I hear that you have been slutting it out! Good for you. You're getting the experience you need to keep a husband in line.

I'm just kidding around. You're probably not looking for experience. I won't say the rest but I'm sure the more intelligent ones will know where I'm going with this notion.

I hear by claim that I've never studied less for a test before. Except for that test on one of our independent modules that were assigned over the christmas break in math 10IB. But that didn't really matter. I feel oddly subdued and very sleepy.

In addition to that, Sarah blurted out "There's no such thing as Columbo!" a couple days ago so I have resolved in calling her hamster Columbo. I guess idiocy has its funny advantages.

On another note, I really wish people would remember to turn their cell phones or just put it on silence. It's not only rude but it's stupid on your part because it really isn't that hard. You and your fancy ringtones that not only reflect your bad taste but the efforts of the general media also.

No. It's not a good song. The people just look good dancing to its awful, artificial beat. If you are saying that you know what good music is, then I can also say that I can lick my big toe (which I obviously can't). I admit, I do get suckered in also by elaborate advertising and their sly-ish ways of allurement. But there is no where in the popular media that I have seen that condones cleaning your nose with your bare finger in the middle of a final. I'm sure others haven't seen it ever. If it was ever shown that picking your nose is okay, I'm sure it was intended as sarcasm.

Really, I should know.

So not only did you allow your cell phone to ring twice (which makes you twice the idiot), you committed a felony in the public eye; my eye to be exact you sick ass bag. An act of social indecency and plain carelessness. Think of all the people that has to touch your paper now. I'm also sure that you didn't rush off to the bathroom tried to scrub your hands free of that crime because if you were so worried about your personal hygiene, you would not of allowed your finger to rest in the inferior conchola. That's the lowest part of your nasal cavity; otherwise your nostrils. So there are probably a good number of door handles, facet knobs, etc. That have are so unlucky to be touched by your nasty hands. Nasty is mildly putting it. If you're willing to act like a shameless dirty moron in the eyes of fellow exam-ers, who knows what else you do in your spare time. I for one, would not like to know. Let's keep it naive and optimistic. Well, in a general sense.

I've always believed that the media has too much control over our lives. True, I am classified as a television addict but in my defense, it helps me form my bias and bitter opinions. Honestly, where would I be without my views? I would probably be sitting in a chair numb with indiscretion. There would be no one around to point out the morons and they would continue to live their lives as morons. Suffocating the world with their large empty heads. Back to the point, after a certain age (that being of ten) people generally know how to conduct themselves in the simplest of manners. Don't speak when others are speaking, don't bud in line, and to cleanse yourself of any bodily secretions in private. I believe that the way that the body cleans itself is parallel to the manner in which one should maintain their personal hygiene. You never see people's urine come streaming out uncontrollably. You never see people's skin excrete the waste by projecting it out of pores. Yes. Some forms of cleansing are visible but not to the point where there is a choice. You had a choice to not stick your finger up your nose and to turn off your cell phone.

There is always a choice. I guess you are just never inclined to choose the right one.

I think I've become addicted to green tea. Without it I feel like I'm iridescent, out of place (more than usual), and jumpy. I guess it's better than coffee. I am strangely pulled towards buying a coffee maker but I know it'll do me no good. It doesn't keep me alert as much as it used to.

So if I depended on coffee to keep me awake and my eye muscles contracting, where would it end?

It would probably end now and Will would be rubbing it in my face about how correct he was. Smug is saying it nicely and by the book. I'd say something else but blogger might ban me.

To Indigo and Superstore I go.

Goodbye Moto.

You are a big drain.

Leeches that is. They secrete blood thinners so they can suck the blood out through the skin much more easily. As annoying as these parasites as they are, they help take the blood out of a patients skin when their capillaries don't drain fast enough. If the capillaries don't drain fast enough, there's useless blood just soaking the tissue with no nutrients. Thus, the tissue eventually dies. You could loose a finger, a toe, your chin, virtually anywhere. While leeches can't solve every problem, I guess it's a start.

So lets start.

Lately I've been feeling nauseous. I'm not sure why but it seems like everything and anything is a trigger, the bus especially and well... I guess everything else. I hate taking the bus but I hate driving all the time. I wish I had someone to drive me.

I guess I'm just being lazy and I like sleeping in cars while someone else is driving.

Ramble ramble ramble. That's all I feel like doing. And it's stupid I know. Especially with finals next week.

Oh God. Next week.

So in summary, I'm in love with my book, I want to go snowboarding, I feel like throwing up, I'm trying to not make an unimpressed look, I'm trying to cram everything

to an end, I'm trying to quit but I can't.

But like you said, you'll eventually get over it. In fact you're probably getting over it right now.
So as of right now, I'm nauseous all over again.

In addition, I've lost quite a bit of respect for you. A walker doesn't necessarily come with wheels you moron. People manufactured, tested, and pretty much perfected the device to help the elderly stable themselves. You know very well yourself that he's not stable and yet you get him this useless cane that he doesn't use. You moron. He fucking drags that thing around and does it look like he needs to support himself from side to side? No.

Of course I had to answer that for you. You would probably say yes and bring up the useless and stupid pointa of him either not wanting to use it or he won't be able to control it because of the "wheels". You are a moron. No wonder why he calls you stupid all the time. Honestly, if someone thought that the elder couldn't use the walkers, why would they sell it?

Also, where did you buy those canes? Stores don't just sell one item. Otherwise, no one would be able to make any money and wouldn't you think that the concept of convience has made it's way into the world? What do you think 'convience stores' are for?

You live a life of ignorance and you complain about how it's so hard for you. Oh I believe you. You go to your parents' house and help them do chores and inject insulin in them. You have a job when you really don't need to. Your house is bigger than neccesary, your husband makes more money than half of the people in downtown, your eldest son has moved out and your youngest barely needs you to do anything anymore. So don't come up to me and complain about how life treats you unfairly. If your bored, go host a chariety event or something that those rich tv wives do.

Okay, I'll stop the generalizing. Frankly though, you are a moron. A moron with too much time, too much money, not enough brains, and seriously the wrong concepts.

Sure you're a nice person. But fuck, serial killers and sociopaths are usually nice people on the outsides. I'm not calling you those, I'm just saying. I'm saying that you're a moron with no special skills.

So the next time you complain about your life, I'm going to throw my hot tea at you just so you know what it feels like to be me and others.

I think I'll go do some chemisty.

The idea of expansion is not only old but genius and permeative.

I started working on my paper again last night and for the entire night I wanted coffee because I intended to pull an all nighter. Of course that didn't play out since my stomach felt like a vacume sealed bag that is just waiting to implode. I really should not experiment with food anymore and decide to eat it no matter how it turns out. I guess there's a down fall to having someone cook for you your entire life. Now I'm skill-less and clueless as to what I am suppose to do the when the next weekend rolls around. To Dominos we go. At least there will be tomatos and green peppers on there. Oh the green peppers.

Friday: We went out for Natalie's birthday and it was the first time to the strip club for a number of us and sadly to say, I was not as impressed as I thought I'd be. The world of television and expensive tricks on screen has made its way into my mind. But the girl who sold us beer was really nice. Plus her hair was nicely done. It's just a thing I notice.

I've been wanting to eat McDonalds for the longest time but I have not brought myself to eating it because then that means I would loose to Will. I don't know what it is but that boy drives my competitive side like Sarah going for the chocolate. Needless to say, I'm not going to consume the McDonalds until Will does.

It's not over. And you're head's not really shaped like a pot. It was the only sentence that made sense.

Winter's coming. It's the end of the first semester.

I hate it already. I wish that I could stop time to allow me to catch up. I wish I could stay 19 forever and ever. I wish that the fat girl at Escape hadn't taken off her shirt and decided that it was okay to dance in something that barely covers her shoulders. I'm not trying to be discrimitive or mean. But it's gross. It's socially indecent. So fucking socially indecent. I thought people are more self conscious now. But I guess since Britney Spears hasn't been shoving her stomach on to the screen lately, it makes others feel better.

I'm being bitchy but seriously, social decency people. Be sure to look that up.

My hair looks red/pink/purple/orange (in discreet parts).

Gross.

For some reason it feels like it's easier to dress other people than it is to dress myself. Yes it feels like I have nothing to wear most of the time. And it's ridiculous I know. But afterwhile, things tire out. Maybe I'm just be annihilative. I want to buy a turtle. At least turtles won't jump out of the tank and let it self dry. Or escape from the cage and burry itself into my walls. Turtles sound pretty good right about now.

Back to my religion paper.

There.

I made an edit. I hope you're happy William.

Smallville is old today and it's much colder than I had imagined.

P.S: Life sucks. I would say it again but I think that it is much too evident now; especially since I have stated it out right.

My Scarf is too cool. I know.

Jason says the funniest things. I asked him if he knew that he was Chinese and not white. He says that he know's he's Chinese but he thinks he's still a little white. "Look at my palms! They're lighter than the rest of me."

And did I mention that he's the safest driver that I know?

What a funny little man. And I was just reminded that Adam Brody was on Gilmore Girls before and he really is the same character over and over again. Oh how the O.C has disappointed me. The first year was not only phenominal but addictive and became a mark of that year. By the second season, it quickly lost its touch. I no longer tingle at the thought of the drama or light up when someone mentions that show but isn't it like with nearly everything? Of course there are exceptions but once again, it's disappointing. I think it's a way to make room for new things in everybody's life. I guess I'll be tucking away more than I had visioned. Time for more bookselves.

To be frank and outright rude, Hilary Duff and Joe Madden are annoying. So is Nelly. And so are fobs that don't use soap or cover their mouths when little infectious nastys are being pushed out of the host at 99mi/hr. Nasty. Yes you are. Oh and don't forget Paris Hilton. Jeezes get a life and a nose job. You all irritate me. Publicity gimmic? Probably. After all, celebrities just got some endorsement right here without having to pay anything. I know I know. This blog isn't the site of where everybody and anybody gets their daily dose of sarcasm and biased opinons. Either way, it's annoying.

I hate you all.

But I do love my music...and okay I don't hate you all. In fact I love a number of you. You all rule.

And so do I. Don't forget that.

Galaxyland tomorrow and I get to wear my yellow shoes. It sounds like a good day. I guess I'll have to see. Reinstated again, disappointment's a part of me and it doesn't seem to disapate. So forget it and leave. Leave if you will. But you're taking the bus. Like hell you're taking a car. Fuck that. And fuck this. You know what, while we're at it, fuck everything.

I can't wait for clubbing. I blame MCR for this (but you're still awesome).

Soundgirl I love you, etc. etc.....

My shirt came in and it's bigger than I expected. It fits but the seller stated "it's a junior size and expect for it to fit smaller." That's not a direct quote by the way.

Nonetheless, it's cute and I quite enjoy it despite the very-subtle fruity nature of it.

I have a four day weekend and it's pretty much full which is fine since I'd go crazy with nothing to do. Clubbing is a possibility and it's actually getting me pretty excited since I haven't gone clubbing since beginning of summer. Though I never wanted to go clubbing during the warmer days. I wonder why.

I hate the smell of busses but I am not in love with driving either. I'd rather have someone drive me, but we would have to listen to my music of course. Otherwise I would, again, go crazy.

Crazy, crazy, maybe even schizo.

That's a leap I know, since crazy is so much more broad than schizo. Although I'm sure pop culture or society in general has imposed a pretty universal image or even idea of what "crazy" really is. Take it however you like. I don't really give a horses hoof.

Sarah surely is a product of something out of the ordinary. I swear I had nothing to do with it but maybe my spontaneous dancing and expressions of thoughts got to her. I wouldn't be surprised. Sarah gave me a summary of the movie "A Beautiful Mind" and I must say it does sound interesting. Sarah wants to win a Nobel Prize. I won't type out the rest.

It's too moronic to.

I love my hiding spot especially since coffee is only a couple of stair cases away. Genius. Genius indeed. Speaking of stairs, I am more out of shape than before and I intended to utilize a treadmill again but not if everything keeps going at the way it is now.

Oh well. I guess something must suffer. Balance must be instated (or at least that's my impression of the world). You can be extreme in one aspect but lacking in another and it's frustrating. I know, it makes me go crazy.

But again, nonetheless Soundgirl I love you.

As a side note, I hate those who think it's cool to not use soap or wash your hands after using the toilet or blast their ugly rave music up so loud that it makes me nauseous.

Creepy fobs + lovely Theresa = fun

My Saturday night fell nothing short of fantastic in that I got to hangout with an awesome old friend who gets along with my virtual-addicted boyfriend and I got to buy more lipgloss. Four to be exact; 7 including lipbalms that come equipped with Spf. They're the best.

After a too-filling dinner at a quiet Tony Romas, we went to T&T to waste our youthful time and happened to see these fobs that either thought Theresa was just too hot or they've never seen purple hair before. But I do believe the first hypothesis is much more likely. Either way, this one creepy fob with bad skin tried to take a picture of us and he was very persistent I might say. First, he tried to take it and when he realized that we caught on he disappered. Oh but he didn't stay hidden for long. He surfaced shortly after and thought of this "brillant" and "subtle" plan to pretend that he was taking a picture of his sister (or whoever). Theresa, Will, and I were too smart to see that he clearly wasn't taking a picture of the girl, but of us! (Well honestly. That's the stupidest plan ever. What a waste of time. You tried to take a picture of us before and now you're all of a sudden taking a picture of your sister who just happens to be standing in front of us. Jeezes you're idiotic).

In the end, we got so creeped out that we left. Stupid fobs. First they don't use soap or the toliet properly and now they're trying to photograph us "secretly".

You idiot.

Hey, it's over

Yes. Midterms are done. Until the second round starts that is.
People usually feel liberated but not I. The anticipation isn't very daunting and it's a little exasperating.

This sucks. School sucks and it's hard trying not to daydream about other stimulating things or what else I can waste my money on. It's not fine this time. And I hate it. It feels so heavy and hard. I guess it doesn't help either that people won't seem to grow up.

The rumors are true and you are only what they say you are. But on the other hand, you get what you give. While this is only true for some people, it's reality for me and it sucks ( of course). There's no such thing as luck or complete equality either. If there was, then a lot of people would be out of work.

It's unfair.

Good evening,

Or whatever the time it is you. For me, it's going by so fast that I don't even find a watch usefull anymore.

Back to my point:
Welcome to samsara. It's the round of rebirth that plagues everyone and basically everything that is composed of matter. There's no escape through everyday modern activities, only limited conditions after a certain amount of devotion.

Enjoy the ride. And try to avoid anything that could get you landed in one of the nine hell realms. They were depicted as pretty unpleasent worlds.

Smiling gives you laugh lines silly

New computer and a new mouse all in one day. How lucky am I?

Not very despite some material posessions. At least that's what I think. Then again it's true, you see one thing as cynical and you think everything is cynical in some sense. Thank you Charles for pointing that out. It's funny to be cynical sometimes. You bring out certain points or realities of something that someone else might not see and when you tell them, their face just freezes with indesicion and awkwardness, "Umm what do I say now?"

Don't say anything and think of something else to talk about. It's easier that way and no it's not possible to change a cynist in just one day. Give me evidence. Give me science (don't forget the chocolate milk). Give me something tangible before I can change my mind. And I'm not pushing away. It's just awkward and I can see that you can sense it too. Neither of us are doing anything about it but it's okay. Eventually things balance out and we'll figure out whether or not it's safe to talk to each other. Until then, have a good life.

Yes I'm all over the place and I aim to please the people that I care for and try my hardest not to slip up. I love it. The stress, the anxiety, the effort that's required. And of course the result. I love a smiling face, even if my face muscles don't flex. It's fun to make people laugh and it's true, smiling and laughing is contagious. Even if it's sarcastic and cynical, look at the funny part of it. Laugh and I'll eventually laugh with you.

But you first. It's easier that way. And I'm offering so take before my radius and ulna give way to my heavy phalanges and pounding mind.

Besides all of this, everything is vague but determined. I'm always in the middle. Always torn and being given choices that I really don't want to make. This is the irony of life. I'm given the choices that I don't want and not given the choices that I do want. I don't want to have to choose between groups because I love them both (despite past events- that's right, I can let go of grudges). Like my buddhist teacher has been saying, "we're suffering. It's determined right when you're born and if you don't seek some sort of peace with yourself, you'll continue to suffer. Now listened intently because this will be on your mid term."

Suffering indeed my friend, indeed.

Thank you Will, my computer is awesome.
(not sarcastically you cynical bastard)

MCR

In the middle of a gun fight, in the center of a restaurant,
They say ,"Come with your arms raised high."
Well they're never gonna get me...

And they never did.


Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy, I love you.

Honestly, tell me if it's stupid.

Thanks Will, Sarah, and Charles for reassuring me you're honesty and blunt nature. I need to know if I look stupid.

I think I shouldn't try to study on Sundays anymore. I can't. Staying home all day and facing the books thinking about school the next day is just too depressing and it makes me groggy.

The house warming party was awkward and school's awkward. It feels like last year except people seem more sad and it sucks that much more.

I feel so apprhensive about everything. Trembling, my hands live in a state of fear and sometimes fury. It depends on the day and the condition of my stomach. I cannot face anymore television screens and with every beautiful sky and solid white serene cloud, I am impulsed to run around and free my worries with a loud and rambunctious scream. The park across the street looks quite tantilizing with it's swings of youth and slides of age. Here I come end, are you ready for me?

Of course you are. You're always ready. It's the other party that isn't always.

Impulsion should be ruled as a treat, as a free ticket to sanity and blissfullness. Blissfullness doesn't come in a spa you junkies, it comes from liberation and that final stage of your alcohol buzz where you realize it wasn't the best idea to take that last tequila shot.

After your buzz is gone, I guess bliss comes in a small blue gel capulet sold in the pharmacy section of Superstore.




Speaking of Superstore, I hate shopping with immigrants.

My bliss is yet to be found, like everything else.

But honestly if this is stupid, just tell me.

I wish I could download songs on my computer. The program stopped connecting to the internet so I'm missing out on songs.

On another note, school's started and it seems so odd to be in second year. I have to apply for OT this year. I better make it. But I'm glad to be seeing friends and walking around and getting fresh air again. It makes me feel less useless.

I get agitated easily, yes. I also can't seem to stop shopping. I also have to pay for my tuition and books. And it seems like everyone's buying all the same clothes (I'm glad I didn't buy that Old Navy argyle sweater, but I do wish I bought that bag).

Camping in my backyard didn't turn out because of the rain which is a total bummer because it's seriously so much fun. Except for the spiders of course, those are horrid and intrusive....so to speak. Instead we slept inside and didn't play games because we were all so tired. From what?

I have no clue.

When people ask me, "so what's new with you?" I never know what to say. So never ask me that. I'll reply with a blank look on my face which replaced what otherwise would be a look of annoyance and "stop asking me that" stare. I'm into more specific questions like, 'how was your summer?... what are you doing this year?... have you gone out clubbing lately?'

Yes, boring but less stupid. I did laundry last night and cleaned my walls. That's what's new with me.

I wish I could have a job while I'm in school but with obstacles and other at-home duties, I cannot. I don't think it's a good idea anyway. But I do wish that Sarah would work at Old Navy. Stupid change machines at Safeway. How lazy can human's become. It tells you how much change to give on the monitor. Why do you need a change machine?!

Plus, the lady at work jipped me of my overtime. Stupid lady. I don't see why she has to take the times in. Wouldn't it be easier just to send it directly to human resources?
/rant

School's in ladies and gents, let the coffee and hot water machines roll.

P.S: My heart desires everything but the capacity of it is limited.

That fucken blows.

Greedy. I am.

It's officially September and I'm already missing summer. I want the swealtering heat, the sunny days and clear blue skies, those rapid and angry thunder storms, the buzzle of activity, and every single moment of satisfaction where I can feel the effects of cold and tasty gelato from Whyte avenue.

Pistacio and pineapple are the best flavours. Well, not neccesarily together.

I'm excited for school to start but I'm going to be thinking of summer and what it offered. Money. More specfically, a chance to pay off my tuition without any pending interest after I graduate.

I hope my clothes from ebay come in soon. I hope that blazer from Old Navy goes on sale soon. I hope I get to have fun again before school starts. I hope I get to play tennis one more time. I hope I can find those shoes somewhere else besides the north side. I hope the price of gas goes down. I hope I find a sling bag. I hope I have enough money to pay for all of this.

I hope I get all the good seats in class. I hope I get a 4.0 this year.


Greedy greedy yes indeed.


I'm pretty sure I can reach the roof of the office if I stand on the my desk. Maybe I'll steal a roof tile.

PLUS! My mom apologized to me for being rude over the phone. Maybe she's drinking special water now.

Don't worry, Chayle has her cat tail

Theresa's house is amazing and full of computers and an extra large television screen! Oh to live in the lap of luxury! We first sat outside to enjoy the summer night and engulf the yummy food that was brought along and that Theresa's made. I never realized how much I loved spring rolls! I wonder why they call them spring rolls.

After our bellys were full, we ventured outside and explored her vast and rather lush neighbourhood. There were flowers, nicely trimmed lawns, man made ponds with plastic shores (hahahahhaha Natalie- good thing you held onto the steel poles!), fountains that could be geysers (well, maybe not that high but pretty nonetheless), and towering houses with impressive balconies and visible firepits.

Now we all know that if you walk your dog, you have to bring a garbage bag with you because if the dog poops, you'll have to pick it up. But in Theresa's community, you don't have to bring your own bag! They have stations placed in popular spots to provide you with dog poop bags! I don't own a dog, but that's cool!

In addition to plastic shores, there are even cat tails growing from the sides! Chayle tried to pull one off and it took considerable effort. Natalie tried to lend a hand, but it still wouldn't release itself from its stalk and Natalie screamed that it was wet. When the hot dog looking plant finally gave into Chayle, she kept shaking it in our faces and even pretended to fend off wolves with it. Just writing this makes me tickle with laughter inside.

Oh shit it was hilarious. And not just the cat tail, but EVERYTHING!

Including the deadlock moments of fooseball, Chayle wacking the cat tail on the mansion's protective gate and a random fence, Natalie's attempt to jump a fence, and of course the cooling moment of sitting on the edge of the fountain behind Theresa's house.

I think that was the most I've laughed since I saw Wedding Crashers with Will.

I just wish I had more batteries in my shitty camera.

Good times. I wish we had them more often.

Have I said how excited I am to end work? My co-workers are great but I don't want to do this job for another extra week or anything. I'm getting sick of it.

Gas is gettting pricey. Thank God I don't have to drive that much after Friday since gas is going up to 1.20. I hate driving. I really do. The only good thing is that I get to blast my music and sing to it as loud as I want without having to deal with complaints.

Get out if you don't like it.

No I'm not that mean... maybe.

Last friday, I got surprised with a lunch at Moxies and cool things from Epcor. Jeezes it's good sometimes to work for a beauracracy.

I wish that stupid fitted blazer would go on sale.

It's so sureal to look at pictures. To look at the moments and think about the events that have and gone. These images make me realize that yet again, I'm getting older and I'm not quite sure this is where or what I wanted to be say, three years ago. I also think, jeezes I look stupid. Or how come I always smile like that? (My smile never turns out the way that I think it will). I know pictures are suppose to capture happy moments and allow us to cherish them but they almost make me sad and despondent about my life. So that was then and this is now.

Great.

The ironic thing is that I like taking pictures. In fact, I used to want to make a career out of it. But once I wished for that, I knew that it wouldn't work out because my parents would never allow me and creativity isn't always a part of me. It makes me wonder than why I wanted to be a photographer in the first place. Perhaps I thought taking pictures were fun and hey, since I'm having so much fun, why not get paid for it too!

Jeezes I can be so materialistic and superficial.
It's fun sometimes.

Maybe I wanted to be a photographer because I know that I'd see my life sliding away without any proper memoralbilia that forces me to reflect and revive the drive in me. Perhaps even I wouldn't even remember what it felt like to be in that very spot and see the world the way I did and think of all the things that came. All the things that I could not see coming and everything that I did not want.

It's a fact that smell is heavly associated with memories, so what is a visual representation? I believe visual objects works to revive all senses that associate with your memories. Sometimes, I can even smell the atmosphere of the picture and relish that point. That point where I felt happy. That point where I thought, what's going to happen next?

Red Eye

Will and I saw Red Eye on Friday night and I must say that I really enjoyed it! The plot wasn't fantastic or anything but I loved what the movie focused on. With a lot of thriller movies based in the states, a lot of time and attention is spent on the high political officials and how important and powerful they are. In Red Eye, there was such a figure involved but the details of his life were vague and were only presented to connect the vital role that Racheal McAdams played (whom by the way is a total hottie) with Cilian Murphy's role. Ironcially, Murphy's name is Jack Ripner.

I think it's funny how they threw that name in there. I mean, they could've picked hundreds of other names that correspond to the initials J.R. Hilarious!

I cannot wait to go shopping! Back to school shopping is the best I swear. It's stationary AND clothes! It's the best combination and it gets me all riveted and excited for what's to come.

Speaking of stationary, I want to purchase this notebook from Coles but common sense is telling me it's stupidly over-priced and I only want to buy it because it looks cool. But then again, it does look so cool.........


I guess I should wait then.

I'm also going to go buy Garden State: such an awesome movie.

They all come in packs....endless packs

My cousin's wedding is in September and I don't know what to wear. Oh jeezes. I have a tank top but I don't think it'll be suitable. I failed to notice how low it is when I bought it. Thanks a lot perception, you suck!

Or should I blame taste instead?

I think I'll just stick with perception.

Okay my stomach can't stop rumbling today and I feel like I haven't slept in three days. Which is quite ironic may I point out since I took a nap last night! I love to sleep when it rains, it's so soothing and there's no chance of a UVA beam to break through the barrier of your blinds to strike at your eyes.

I just don't like it too much when the phone rings.

My grandpa got a dvd/vcr player and I tried to tell him everything but because all the buttons look the same and the printing on them is less than significant to a 70-some year old man, it was a little difficult. But it's okay. I'll just keep repeating the things to him so he'll be able to play those chinese song cds that he has. Oh grampy.

It's been a grim and shocking couple of weeks. I'm learning to not let small and insignificant differences get in the way of anything great. I hope you all do the same.

Yes Please!

Good thing her dog wasn't there, otherwise it would've been even more awkward

Question 1:
Your main reason to blog is to:

1. keep friends up to date about your oh-so exciting life

2. to practice writing

3. for the hell of it

Why isn't there a catergory for venting and to allow myself to ramble endlessly about shit that doesn't neccesarily make sense to others but I could really give two shits? Discrimination I tell you. Prejudice against the angry, frustrated, and trapped.

Actually I'm just saying. I mean, who takes their time to type all of this stuff up for the hell of it?

On Friday, my three beloved siblings and I went to Eric's meet and greet bbq for his wedding. Nice neighbourhood and his floors were done nicely but considering how the four of us are considerably younger and than his friends, it was awkward city. We didn't fit in, outsiders, non-confromists; however you want to say it. Nonetheless, our cousin fed us and allowed us to witness a part of the wedding preparation. Oh boy I can't wait! It's already Auguest and I can't believe he's getting married. On the drive home I couldn't help but feel like the world is trying to hurry along time as fast as it can. It really feels like yesterday that I was watching my two cousis at dinner insulting each other making Sarah and I laugh. Now one of them is getting married and there are two other little ones for them to tickle!

Speaking of the wedding, I bet my cousis won't even allow me to have a beer or anything. They still think I'm eight or something! Well I don't plan on getting sloshed or anything but it's a wedding! Plus it'll be the only wedding until Edwin gets married and I have no idea when that will be. It'll be too long of a wait I believe. Perhaps I'll just disguise it as something else. Oh the art of invisibilty and deception. My favourite kind.

I recieved the lesson this weekend of appreciating and savoring what is in your life. This, coming from a person with pessemistic eyes and a non-stop bitter mouth, is pretty evolutionary. Yes, I know. Nothing is perfect and when I do make it perfect (well, me perfect), I have to allow it to be destroyed. If everything stayed perfect the first time, where would I learn my mistakes? Plus, I'm sure I'll run out of things to perfect. Now where would my life be then? (I love you Grandma).

Even so, I'm still a little lost as to what my life has become. It doesn't mean I neccesarily dislike it but....well it does. I do dislike my life, more often then I would hope to. I just feel so futile and drained most of the time. It seems like everyone else has something going for them and they have something that's theirs. Summer is almost over and I haven't even been able to play the sport that I look most forward to in this blessed season. I'm pretty sure my adrenal gland is pretty stale (or atleast in domant state) because I haven't had the excitment of ....well anything! The short and cheap thrills that amusement park rides used to provide me give me something less than amusement. Specifically, I'm not entertained. Give me my fucking thirty dollars back.

Lost is weakly describing how I see myself. Maybe transparent, as in I'm fading away is a better way of saying it.

So in the event that I do become completely invisible, I hereby hold my heart in my hands and place in it Will's and Natalie's possession. They're the only ones that I know that won't cast it aside due to ignorance.

I don't care what any lawyer says. This is fucking legal.

It shouldn't of been. It should never be.

My condolences go out to Paris and his family. Indeed I am terribly sorry for your loss and I wish you and your family the best for the future.

Life shouldn't be this hard. It really shouldn't be and it should never be.

May Rome rest in peace.

-sniff sniff-

Oh wait a minute. I can't sniff anymore because I am so congested! I also cannot say the word 'fine' properly or any other words that require me to annunciate the 'n'. In addition, I'm sore and sleepy. Oh I hate getting sick during the summer. The Flu should be saved for the winter. That way I can get out of doing anything I would rather not participate in.

I have a hard time sleeping but I don't want to take anymore over-the-counter medicines due to the fear of the super-virus and becoming more drowsy than I already am. But I broke yesterday because I couldn't stand my grandmother's nagging anymore. Jeezes and after all these years you'd think I could take it.
But NO! I couldn't and I swallowed down two Dayquils with agonizing (but silent) grief.

So due to the virus that was probably air-born and made its way to me, I'm wearing these six year old Guess khakis. I thought this morning, it's much too cold to wear a skirt.........where did my other pair of work pants go?!
Thus I grabbed these in despair and threw them on. While I was walking in Old Navy during lunch how ever, I suddenly remembered why I stopped wearing these old things (other than the fact that I got these 6 years ago), I have two holes in the bum. One on each side to be exact.

This is bad because I remember going to the bathroom a number of times and I'm not sure whether or not my shirt and jacket were able to cover them. I'm hoping so though.

I did buy a sweater that I like and a shirt that both Marissa and I could wear! It's funny considering how she's eight years old and I'm 19. It's quite fabolous really.

I also bought this really nice nail polish but of course I don't have the skills to paint my nails properly so some nail polish is still on my cuticles and the skin around my nails. But I do adore the color.

My New Goal: To learn to eat like the French.

So not only did I have a ephiphany and painful shoulders this week, but I got an unexpected call last night also! It made my voice rise in volume and it marked the end of a waiting period. Oh the excitment of it all.

For the record, I only bought that Green Tea cake because I was curious and I have to say that it takes patients and an open mind. Needless to say, my siblings did not enjoy it. I'm not in love with it, but I'll eat it....slowly of course.

I went for a walk that took an hour and a half yesterday night and it felt so nice! The sky was gorgeous and the only real insects that bothered me were aphids. I think the kiddies loved it too. They seemed happy still when we got home, despite the distance and time. I wish I could do that everyday because I love to get outside since I'm stuck between three walls all day long at work.

Speaking of work, I cannot wait to leave it.

NNNNNOOOOOOOO

Oh God I just found out that I might have to work on Saturday morning. As if working 2 hours overtime everyday this week wasn't bad enough.

Okay fingers, strap on you jets and finish these orders!

Come on epiphany, I'm ready for you.

They don't do everything for you or me just because they feel like they have to or they fear of retribution from someone else. They do all these things for us becasue they love us. They prepare things for us hoping that we'll give back to them through harvesting success and letting them bath in it.

It's fair I think. An equal trade. Gratitude can go a long way and so can appreciation.

But if it's not appreciated, then all of their efforts are wasted and their dreams for us are shredded into nothing. Sometimes it's not too late, but other times there's no turning back. The mistakes we make are permanetly placed into a bag that we all drag around with us. Some larger than others but it's there nonetheless.

I feel that it takes a while before reasons come and hit you in the head with the sparkle of epiphany. Anger and frustration is what fills your head and constrains you from understanding why it's the way that it is. They're not always right. But they do always want the best for you. They do.

Trust me.
I mean, I do.

I've come to a realization that I want to multi-task all the time. Even when I'm sitting there, it feels like I need to be doing something else and if I'm not doing something else, I'm thinking of something else to do.

"What can I do to maximize my time? Otherwise I'll waste it"

Sometimes I'm thinking of this while I'm already doing two other things like watching tv and laundry.

It drives me crazy really.

Work is also driving me crazy. My shoulders are sore from sitting and typing for so freaking long and my eyes feel like they're going to roll out from my sockets just to get away from the computer.

Oh fuck I don't know how people can do this all day long. I hope I don't end up in some monotonous computer job for the rest of my 8-5 pm days. As of right now, the only thing that's keeping me going is the overtime pay. Double baby!

Still, I hate sitting down all day long.

More!

I wish I knew my mom like Marissa and Jason know me. Of course it's different considering how I didn't give birth to them but I don't know anything about my mom's life besides the frustrating and demeaning days with my dad. Oh and how she really aspired to be an accountant.

I guess it's not too late to start now.

And I wish to win the lottery.

Then again, don't we all.

I don't understand people with road rage. I do also have road rage but at least I don't keep my window up when I'm yelling at the person while I'm looking at them! That's just stupid! Oh your words (that I cannot hear you fucking rotting sack of shit) are hurting me behind your CLOSED window. Oh road-rage addicts may have their anger, but they don't have their smarts.

The light bounces off the sequinces of my bag and strikes at my eye.

I was almost blinded by bag when I was driving to work this morning because the sun was sort of out and by chance it struck a number of the sequinces on my bag that was on the seat beside me and as I was shoulder-checking, a beam light happened to of passed through my pupils and through my lens and shocked me. When it hit my retina, my optical nerves gave me quite a jolt. Oh shit.

Speaking of chances, THEY FUCKING SUCK.

I'm very tempted right now to dislike dogs right away and vow to never own one. I don't deal well with shedding animals anyway. It was like the butterfly effect and it all just happened the way it did. Fuck. And now I'm TORN between what I should do. Maybe we can strike a deal but I don't know what kindof a deal I can make. I'm sure my grandma doesn't want anything. I'm sure my mom will want to make them pay or guarantee something some how. I wish I took a legal course so I at least know some of the legalities. This just proves that life isn't black and white and it kindof pisses me off.

Anyway I'm hoping for the dogs to be up to date with their shots and that the lady can get me those reports soon. I want to get this over with.

Sarah's right. I don't like asking for help, but I like to ask for some sort of support and understanding. So fucking stop shoving words in my face and let me say mine. Just listen.






Let's hang'em high.

In this picture it looks like Mr. Oberst has two different eye colors. Maybe it's just me but I love it and it's very daunting.
http://www.pearljamonline.it/be/TITLES/foto/34570976_l.jpg

It's alright to tear, it's good for the heart.

...so is screaming while you are singing in the car. After all, you're alone in the car and your cell phone isn't ringing off the hook or anything and even though other drivers will realize that you're really into your music, you don't give a two shits because are you ever going to see them again?

No.

Besides, it's not like you're commiting a crime or setting yourself up for a tragedy; you're just releasing built up tension.

Now scream. Scream from the bottom of your stomach and let that ripple through every cell of every tissue in your flawed and worn body. Let it tickle out of your throat and disrupt the flow of the pollution and shit around you.

Do this and you'll be rid of the tension in your mind and heart, but remember to pick an appropriate place. I'm not going to take responsibility if you break ear drums or make babies cry.

I only guarantee that this method will help unwind you and release all that tension stored up inside; especailly in the heart. I'm not talking about your actual and tangiable heart muscle but the heart that's susceptable to emotional and spiritual pain. So I guess it's the front part of your brain and your hormones. Either way, screaming will do wonders for you heart but will torture your throat with the burning sensation of impending satisfaction.

On another note, it's perfectly fine to drain out your tear ducks every now and then. Personally it clogs my sinuses and makes all the blood rush to my head and it gets expressed through my epidermis but fuck it feels good to break out and let the truth that I tried to so hard to hide flood out. Of course this has to be done in moderation and used with diligence and discretion. Otherwise there will be a lack of meaning and understanding and neutral ground will not be achieved.

There are times when it's good to do things in excess but don't keep if frequent. Otherwise you're just a drama queen.

Cheers

Songs:ohia, Azure Ray, and Norah Jones: thank you for putting me to sleep and for putting my mind at ease. Of course none of you musical marvels will ever see this but I hope all of you understand how your mellow and methodical tunes play an important part in keeping my homeostatsis intact.

I'm totally addicted to my book and I can't stop wanting to read it! If only work was totally dead then I could crack it open but they always find something, whether it be deathly monotonous or not, to do.

What a shame. What a fucking shame.

It's somewhat eerie but I can actually see myself in the shoes of the protangonist in the book. One big differenece though is that all of those elements that I reconigze are part of me when I was much younger. When my naive stage was still with me. It's true! I didn't have any experiences with anything and I would run into situations where I had no idea what to do.

I guess I'm growing out of it and I still am. Though I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I had part time jobs and I was trained (or at least pushed) by my mother to be less dependent on other people. I try. So don't get mad at me if I don't immediatley ask for help because I want to at least try to do it myself first. I hope Sarah gets a job because she can be so naive it's unbearable.

I hope I don't keep buying items like no tomorrow though like Becky. It feels good to shop but I think that will only be okay when I win the lottery. Let's keep our fingers crossed boys and girls.

..."[she's] feeling despondent"

I took the kiddies swimming on sunday and as I was sitting in the mini-kids pool, I started to feel disillusioned and despondent and I couldn't think why. Usually I can think of why and start to think of reasons too. I could tell that I'm missing something in life and it made me feel even worse. The despondency of me and my views have come to an understanding.

I've quit. And I didn't even know it.

But it's okay. The limited time that one gets to enjoy something is what makes it beautiful and tragic. So is tragedy beautiful?

Yes.

Only tragedy can bring out the meaning and intent of life because if you didn't know that you could loose it one day, you'll never learn to cherish it. But I myself have yet to be given a chance to savor and taste the cherries of life and derive my personal interpretation of it. I'm not hoping for a tragedy, but I feel like one.

Speaking of feelings, they will be the end of me. For I feel like a failure and empty of what I was hoping for. Lacking and detached. I cannot achieve what I've been longing to be ever since I was 14 and it makes me frustrated and even more despondent when I see other people with it when they've done nothing to get it. It was handed to them. I've tried and I keep trying. But nothing of that sort results.

So fuck it.


No not really, I'm going to keep trying but I doubt that I'll achieve it.

Honestly, I think I need new friends.

So apparently all the cool kids play Tennis now and it has become a trend. Don't quote me on this, it's just what I've heard other people say. Will thinks it's partly because I kept telling people about how I like to play and what nots. I don't really think so considering how I don't talk about that much...I think.

Anyway, I don't really care. Unless of course all of these cool kids start to hog the courts. Then I might have to start burning some more raquets.
tee hee hee

Wedding Crashers is a movie worth paying for. Even though it's sort of sappy and one of those chick flick type-movies, it was packed with comedy and even some action! I can't remember the last time that a movie caused me to laugh so hard.

Photograph everything because even though I myself might not believe it....

...it exists as something on the negatives. That something will eventually mean something to me when I cannot bear to leave the house due to heay pollution, heavy traffic, and a bad back (knocks on wood). Of course this will not occur for sometime but like I said before, nothing lasts forever.

Let's all soak up all that is now and will not be in the future.
---------Generally speaking

I feel as though I've been thrown into my 30's where I'm stuck at a job where I stare at the radiating computer all day and go home to 2 screaming , but lovely kids, and continue to look in the mirror to see an image I cannot register.

But yet I still like to look at picture that's plastered on to the mirror because it satisfies the vain portion of my very being.

My share of time is limited as is with everyone else, but I'm trying not to drink it up so quickly as it would be deadly. So watch as I take what I have at this moment and use to satisfy every bored bone in me and get lost in the exhilaration of inhibition.

durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I'm so addicted to tennis ever since last year. I wish I won the lottery and was able to build an indoor tennis court that can be used as a badminton court and an attached basketball court. I would never leave; except to shower and go shopping.

tee hee hee =)

It's not always me

The elderly and older generations (relative to my age) speak of how the younger generations are loosing or have lost perspective of what is important and/or moral. I disagree; of course my opinion is biased considering how I am part of the younger generation. It's not that the ageless are reckless all the time, but trying to experience everything before their time is up. We must savor what we have because before we know it, it'll be gone and all we'll have is the faint memory of what life was.

On that note, I cannot wait to go out once again. To taste the flavour of life and fun is what I wait for during the daily grind. Happy early birthday Theresa!

Anyway, I don't think the young have lost perspective of anything. After all, we haven't experienced everything so what perspective have we lost if we haven't gained it.

Yes this is transparent. It's an elaborate plead to just let me try things without condeming me. I used to think that it's okay for me to not care what my elders think sometimes, but it actually does matter. If I don't care to try, I won't care about the mistakes that others make in the future. So for me and for the futures of others, let me go.


I stare at those pointing fingers and I visualize protest signs that scream for control and I get lost in the exhilaration of inhibition.

Okay maybe not so.

I look at it on my right side as it just sits there without any purpose now that I've forgotten an essential. How utterly stupid and forgetful of me considering how I feel that I cannot pass a day of work without it. I have to leave it idle for today, except for when I go home. So useless now that it doesn't have what I forgot, kindof like a car without a steering wheel.

Which reminds me, I have to buy a garden hose and go to the bank.

My parents came home this weekend and stayed for an entire Saturday instead of the usual 6 hour visits. My mom hasn't changed but it seems as though the less I see my dad the easier it is to get along with him. I guess the distance gives us less chances to fight over trival items.

I rode around in the rental car all day with my parents and 2 younger siblings on Saturday (our car was in the shop) and from this experience I can say with an air of confidence that I will never buy an Echo. It's extremely fuel efficent but it's uncomfortable and I would never know how to get traction in the winter. I don't even think it can!

Okay maybe not so, it'll get some.

Where am I?

Every now and then, it feels like I'm in the middle. Indistinguishable from the everyday crowd and mumble jumble but not exactly part of anything.

So I'm aside of everyone but not different enough to get pulled out. I don't feel indifferent, just different. Maybe more like I don't belong. The trend is to be cool by knowing all of these band names to gain that arrogance and snob-ish air that the indie music craze has created. It's stupid if you ask me. If you're going to throw in a band name out of no where and make it sound like you know something, at least know facts. They try so hard to be cool that they've turned around in a complete circle and now they've ended up back where they have started.

Though there is one difference, they look more stupid than they did before. Har dee har har

I'll stick to what I love most, cars, Bright Eyes, tennis, shopping, thriller novels, clubbing, and my closest ones. And last but most certaintly not least, Will. I'm sure some one think I'm cool =D

I went for lunch at Sherlock Homes pub today for lunch and work and I was so stuffed; acutally I still AM full. Wow it's nice to have an employer that can afford to celebrate their emplyoees' birthdays without having to cut their wages or their jobs!

Hooray for multi-million corporations =D

My parents seem to have this ability to plan for trips where I have things I really want to do. For instance, I wanted to go to the car show this weekend, a friend's bbq, and Theresa's paintballing trip. But now I cannot go because I need to spend time with my parents. I love them and all but couldn't this whole family time thing been earlier or next week? Or even all of these events been next week? Oh wells I guess that's the way it goes! Which means I'm going to be going out more often to make up for this and having so much more fun!

I can't wait.

My very awesome co-worker introduced me to this radio station and I actually like listening to it! I guess I'll be pushing FM button on my car steoro more often now.

My best wishes go out to all of those who have been injured by the bombings and to the families who have lost loved ones. It's a war that's beeing raged silently until the bombs go off and no one knows what to do about it. Attacking a country out right is not going to help considering how the Al Qaeda group is so determined and internationally based (assuming Al Qaeda is responsible). My question is how many more bombings is it going to take for the world to wake up and realize that we cannot deal with terrorism like our ancestors did with Hitler and in Germany in general in World War one? This is going to be a tough one. It already is.

Maybe the genius who placed those police downtown can help us figure out a way.

Greetings

My name is Gloria and I let things that I love rule my life.

This blog might soon need life support

I don't update as much on here simply because it's gotten a little more busy at work. Yesterday I was asked if I could stay for an extra hour after work. I wouldn't of minded since I get double pay, but my arms were ready to fall off and crawl away to a person that might not put them on the keyboard as much.

I've been thinking about religion and whether or not I should take part in it. I've always believed in heaven but also in reincarnation. I only believed there was a heaven because of the American-based media that we have installed into our homes and the general opinon of the public. The public being the people at school, not the Chinese community. If it was up to the Chinese community, I'd be going to temple and know why the Buddists believe in reincarnation instead of heaven and hell. But there are some Chinese people who have not converted and still believes that the colors of red and gold will drive away the devil (not only do the colors serve superstitious purposes, but they are very festive!).

I don't know much about Buddism so I don't have much to write about right now but I favor Buddism as a religion because I've been a little alienated from other religions. Which is okay, I mean religion should be a choice, not a requirement when I'm at this age. I just wish my parents took a little more time to teach me about it so it's not entirely lost on the kiddies. On the same note, I've come to realize how disappointed I am at him. He was sort of the driving force of Westernization for us and it's great to some extent. The religion part I'm not too great about but it hasn't had a significant impact on the kiddies yet. But I wish I could understand to fuller extent as to why I'm so disappointed. Maybe I'm just too alienated.

I saw Garden State not too long ago and now I think Natalie Portman is way too cute and Zach Braff is just too cool. But don't worry, I still like Conor Obesrt =).

"Let's not shit ourselves"

It's going to be shitty anyway so why dress it up in shitty efforts when you know there's going to be shitty results.

Well shit, my bad.

My mother says shit when something is wrong or when something hasn't gone her way. I told her to shut up once when I was about 12 years old and she got really upset. How can she think it's okay for her to curse unhibitedly when I can't tell her to stop talking to me? Of course I was only 12 years old and it was disrespectful but has she considered disrespecting me when she says shit so much? She even says it when Jason and Marissa are around and they're some of the most impressionable people I know (amoung someone else who I will not mention). I'm not suppose to curse around my parents and I hate it when I do because it's rude but they make me so mad sometimes that I want to smash the kitchen table just so they'll listen to me.

Wait, "listen" is the wrong word. Maybe for them to realize I'm not always full of shit and selfish tendencys.

Or maybe even just for them to realize what it's like to be in my position.

Fuck that. It'll never happen.

Needless to say, I can't wait until I move out. I love my family but I can't live with them simply because I'm too much like my dad and too much like my mom. I got the bad combination. Damn you synpasis and damn you odds. I could've at least had my dad's metabolism speed. Shit that'd be sweet.

Ok one more rant then I can get back to my oh-so exciting life.

People can be wrong and even mentally incapable of making decisions that society sees as rationable, but everyone deserves to be listened to. So get off your fucking high horse and let the other person talk. Consider what they have to say and consider why they're talking about the things they're talking about. Even let them talk first so the atmosphere isn't so tense.

Now if people knew and could understand the simple concept of listening, I think there will be less people who are frustrated, marginalized, and maybe even serial killers.

To breath this air is discovering loss of not just others or even useless material objects, but of yourself and what you've built of yourself throughout these years.

Thankfully for me there's salvation when rain is present. The dark clouds are heavenly and bring relief to this over wrought character.


P.S: Don't be so fucking dramatic for fucksakes.

'I'm here to get you!"

I found a dead bug on the back of an order that came in and it grossed me out. It was not completely squished either, the wing of the bug was still erect and sort of pointing at me. At that moment I could hear the bug taunt and say, "I'm here to get you."

Of course that will never happen since it's dead and cannot move but that's only one insect dead. With our luck, there was probably 600 more that just cracked itself into the world and replaced that dead one. Stupid insects, I wish they didn't have their chitinous shell and their ability to fly. Let the rain soak you to death and water loss to de-hydrate your tiny, highly-segmented bodies. As for locomotion, you can roll around instead. That way there's no specific intention for a certain direction and easier for me to kill. Die insects die.

On a happier note, I'm really excited for the weekend to end because there's a chance for swimming with the kiddies (it sucks the energy out of Jason so he's not so reckless) and tennis! The hitting of fuzzy yellow balls make me happy.

My co-worker showed us her puppy today and I fell in love with her instantly. She's so adorable and so energetic and just so cute! Oh my I want one but I don't know if I'll be able to handle the mess. =(

Hello weekend of fun and a clean room =)

P.S: I'm not emo dammit, I just happen to really like Conor Oberst.

It's fucking hilarious alright?!

I watched a new episode of the newlyweds last night and I have to say it was the most entertaining and ab-straining episode.

I couldn't believe how much Sarah resembles Jessica Simpson, except Jessica Simpson probably has better hygiene habits.

No more shoes or bags!

Stupid

Alberta's 100th birthday is coming up and the city decides to spend money on placing cops in downtown to "clean up the streets". Sure, it's an effort to make the city "look" cleaner for the celebration, but am I the only one that sees how stupid and blinded that decision is?

What are the police going to do? Enforce the laws stronger in downtown?

Oh he looks like he hasn't shaved or bathed in a few days, lets go hassle him and make him feel more marginalized.
And better yet, he's pushing his cart full of his only worthy possessions, lets go write him a ticket or even throw him into jail for a night. That will teach him!

What the fuck is that going to do? Give the poor a hard time and you make the world a better place? Is it a crime to push a cart through the streets full of stuff?
If it is, I'm expecting to see a lot of grocery shoppers in the law courts downtown agruing or paying for that ticket!

There are few roads that I can think of that needs patching up, alley ways, and buildings that should be either demolized or renovated. But all of that has to wait because of the wisemen in the meeting rooms that saw how efficent and promising it is to spend money on cops to police the class under some more.

I'm not neive or much too compassionate. But really, is this the smartest way to spend the taxpayers money. And since I'm one of them, I can strongly no you fucking idiots. Why isn't more time and money being spent on programs or whatever to pick the bums off of the streets so they don't turn to desperation? Is yelling at them in a police uniform going to do that?

"Oh, an arrogant police officer just yelled at me today and told me to shower and get my ass off the streets. I think I'll take their demeaning comments and use them to pick myself up."

Yes there are people who might think that way, but that's rare and it only happens in movies to jerk at the audiences hearts. Otherwise, they're not going to care and will just become more resentful.

I don't have an answer to solve the homeles problem but there must a middle between marginalizing them and giving them too much help.

Maybe we should start by enforcing safe sex or something to reduce the amount of people in the age group 15-24.

I cannot get over how ridiculous and how angry it makes me. When I looked at the face of the homeless man who just got bothered by these two policemen (hired for the centenial), I could feel the frustration and anger because they decided to pick on him because he doesn't have the chance to commit those white collar crimes that keep him from incarcenation.

"It's not what is underneath that is who you are...

...it's what you do that defines you."

I watched Batman Begins yesterday and I absolutley loved it. I couldn't stop thinking about the movie when I was driving home. There's a sense of realism and even optimism from the movie that made me realize even the immensly wealthy can be desperate. Whether it be desperate for salvation or an apple, it changes a person. A person pushes aside what's true to them to get to the things that are presented in front of their face. It could be money or even sanity from the horrors of life. What ever it is, it exists in the world and recently people have extorted that desperation to achieve their goals.

Those goals weren't for the good of all man kind but possibly for the good of their dreams. Again, when one is desperate almost anything is possible.

It is the greedy and evil that take feeling and use it to get what they want. They don't care for what happens to what or whom. The way that I see it, it is those who extort or even mock those in desperation are the evils of the world and deserve to be incarcenated without parol, not the ones who commit the petty crimes.

Maybe with some enlightment and open minds something can be done to rid away corruption or uneccesarry death of the human civilization. Or maybe people won't care and just let the dice fall as they may.

I think we need more Batman's in this world. I'm not too sure about Robin though but this world can always use a few more grand sidekicks.

p.s: I think the British are just GRAND.

Cheers

My best wishes to the family who owns the Macs near my house off of 34 ave. It's sad to see how close brutality and ruthlessness can be to you. Although I didn't know the family I'm positive that they're good people and that the two men murdred didn't deserve it. They always seemed so cheerfull and hardworking even though lots of kids and loudmouths go in there.

Deals

The three of us bought my sister a mp3 player for 50 dollars when it regularly retails for 170 dollars from Visions and paid the extra 24 dollars for warranty. Visions must have some other business on the side or within the store because I have never seen another electronic store offer that kindof a deal. They even said they would return the 24 dollars if we don't use the warranty! It's nuts. I smell organized crime.

Oh man I got pulled in by my profs. lectures.

Nevertheless, she'll never have to steal my H320 anymore.
Now she better keep up her end of the deal and bring that PS2 over along with tekken 5 and yes I'll even settle for Star Wars. Those light sabers and control over them in the virtual world is awesome. I don't have a whole lot against Star Wars but I'd rather watch the comic movies. Even though they suck sometimes, like X1 and Hulk, I'll watch it.

So bring it.

The games not the heat, stupid heat bag.

I have about 8 of the Bright Eyes now, 9 including my record. Now I need to start on those collaboration albums and those will be a bitch to get because they're even LESS popular than the Bright Eyes ones. Whyte Ave here I come.

P.S: my buttons came in and I love them =)

Off to Winners and Old Navy

Oh the pain

I hate it when the phone rings when I'm sleeping, especially when people shove the phone at my sleepy face and yell at me to pick up. Can't you see that I'm sleeping? We have fucking caller ID, I'll call them back when I come to focus. That's why I fucking requested caller Id.

I don't usually take naps but I get so tired that I have to and all of you know how early I get up and how late I sleep. So stop fucking shoving the fucking cordless in my face and screaming at me to talk to the person. If it's important than my anger will subside but if it's trivial or if I said I would call them when I get an answer, don't give me the phone.

It just makes me mad because they could at least not yell at me to answer; as if the alarm clock is not bad enough.

At least I'm used to the alarm clock; the ringing no longer stabs at my ear drums and make the three little bones shake endlessly. But when someone yells at me when I'm sleeping it hurts my ears so much. So stop it.

Yes I had a good day.

Father's day is coming up so that means anther family dinner. Hoooorrrahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I don't hate the dinners but I'd rather be playing tennis or finish the over due chores at home. I can't wait till we rip the carpet out and put in hardwood floors. I wouldn't be surprised if the kiddies did something to it though. Maybe I should cover everything in bubble wrap or if not them except for they're face.

No I'm kidding that's unreasonable.

Yes it's compulsive and even obsessive but I hate it when the kiddies ruin it, especially if it's new. I don't know what my mother is thinking anyway. Why would we spend money to make the house look better if the kiddies are just going to ruin it? Well not ruin but make it more difficult to keep it in good condition. They have a good record of ruining my things after all.

I wish I didn't have to sleep. I could get so much done in such a short amount of time. It would be great! Of course I'd probably break down in a week, maybe even 3 days but jeezes it would be revolutionary!


Oh jeezes I have my crim final today and then I'm done. Remember, a goal of the west is to stop the fanatacism and radical teachings. Then and only then can terrorism be stopped. Even the ones with a universtiy education get caught up the "cause" and believe that their violent actions are justified.

Good luck to me today.

So many things to do...

...with such little time.

I know and I apologize but like last year, I can't do anything about it unless I'm held back

But I don't want to be held back.

So close
I'm so close I can feel it and I cannot wait!

July: hello Calgary =)

My crim final is tomorro and then I'll be done.

Good luck to me on Thursday.

Thanks

I love this song

A Perfect Sonnet
lately i've been wishing i had one desire
something that would make me never want another
something that would make it so that nothing matters
all would be clear then
but i guess i'll have to settle for a for a few brief moments
and watch all dissolve into a single second
and try to write it down into a perfect sonnet
or one foolish line
because that's all that you'll get so you'll have to accept
you are here and then you're gone
but i believe that lovers should be tied together and
thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather
and left there to drown
left there to drown
in their innocence
but as for me i'm coming to the final chapter
i read all of the pages and there is still no answer
only all that was before i know must soon come after
that is the only way it can be
so i stand in the sun
and i breathe with my lungs
trying to spare myself the weight of the truth
saying everything you have ever seen was just a mirror
and you've spent your whole life sweating in an endless fever
and now you are laying ina bathtum full of freezing water
wishing you were a ghost
but once you knew a girl and you named her lover
and danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer
but autumn came, she disappeared
you don't remember where she said she was going to
but you know that she is gone because she left you a song
that you don't want to sing
we're singing i believe that lovers should be chained together
and thrown into a fire with their songs and letters
and left there to burn in their arrogance
but as for me i'm coming to my final failure
i've killed myself with changes trying to make it better
but i still ended up becoming something other than what i had planned to be
now i believe that lovers should be draped in flowers
and layed entwined together on a bed of clover
and left there to sleep
left there to dream of their happiness

Done!!

Well almost. By thursday I'll have completed my spring class and say goodbye to the university for two whole months. In these two months I plan to:

• organize my room- perhaps get a bookshelf?
  
• do such good yard work that my lawn is the greenest of them all
  
• set up my trampoline maybe?
  
• put my rollerblades to good use
  
• play tennis everyother day
  
• save up money- this will be the most difficult
  
• volunteer
  
• spend quality time with buddies galore =)
  
• maybe go to Calgary
  

For now, study and type in numbers and few letters here and there. Weeeeeee

p.s: I envy all those who get to leave Edmonton

AND

I got to leave work a half hour early today =) Eat that arrogant assholes.

it's shits and giggles girls and boys

The claps of thunder break the air and all tensions are released. As the rain washes away arguments, misunderstandings, mistakes, and plain foolishness, my vision is once again revived.

But only as long as the rain keeps coming and as long as you mean what you say. If you don't, stay away from me or I'll allow the thunder to strike at you.

You see, the thunder is on my side when it's present. I love it so much that it's now mine. So keep raining, otherwise I'll return to my original state of bleakness, self-pity, and vanity.

Call me a hypocrite for letting others see it as shits and giggles but it's not over until the rain is here to dilute away my character and perhaps reveal something better. The ironic thing is (well one of the ironic things) that sometimes something is nothing.

But like it's said, nothing lasts forever and I whole heartedly agree. So soak it up now fuckers before it all passes you by.

Have a good day and Thanks.

My best wishes

My condolences go out to Melissa, a co-worker whose mother just recently past away. May she rest in peace.

Ring Ring

Is that my cell phone ringing?

Not yet but it will be! Goodbye shitty motorola that I once loved before I realized how weak you are and hello samsung! Don't disappointment me now. In addition I hope I can change the face plate.

I am very eager right now to pack my bags and head off across the border to the big apple or to the city that's home to immigrants galore and master junkies or to half way around the world and see what it's like to live on the other side. Sadly I'm given none of these options but to stay in Edmonton and work. I shouldn't use the word 'work' actually. It's more like push and push until my body feels deprived of freedom and food.

That means I'm tired (an understatement actually) but it'll be worth it. Perhaps I'll be able to squish Calgary into my schedule.... =)

My spring class will come to an end soon and so will Marissa's soccer season. This means I'll be able to do other things after work! But I need to get some volunteer experience so I guess I'll be doing that and hopefully a second job. I need funds for shoes and other items that girls are entitled to. Let the hunt begin. Move over ladies and gentlemen or else I'll have to run you over with my jetta.

Just kidding I'm not inhumane.

You talk like you're drunk when you're in front of me but I still love you, even when you fall on me.

My polka dot dress is not just for shits and giggles...

...ladies and gentlemen, I intend to wear it to my cousins wedding. Of course they laughed at me at first but they'll grow to like it. Besides, Sarah's wearing my black one and that's the extent of my dress collection.

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=7078&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=336&iSubCat=593&iProductID=7078
This is one of the presents that I'll get my cousin just because he's so great.

No I'm kidding, he'll think I'm more of a lunatic than I already am. Maybe I'll just buy it for myself!

Speaking of my cousin's wedding, it'll be the first wedding that I've ever attended and I can't wait! Knowing them, they'll probably take my enthusiasm as an opportunity and make me do jobs here and there. But it's okay, I'm glad to help. Oooo I can't wait! People will be dressed up and happy and maybe even intoxicated! But of course I cannot be. It'll be wierd if I went around telling everyone that I love them; especially since I'll more than likely run into them once again.

So I have a midterm tomorrow and I'm getting excited to get it over with. Classical school (Baccaria), positive school (Lombroso), statistical school (4 guys), all shaped our Criminal code today. If it wasn't for these ideas and the research that was done, torture and very inhumane methods of detterance and punishment might still be used today.

So thanks.

Good luck to me tomorrow!

P.S: I can't wait for my cell phone to ring once again. Peace is sometimes over rated.

I hope Theresa is having a good time on vacation with her family. I know I would like it if we went somewhere.

Holly Friggen Mollies

It's 6:00 am, I force my stubborn eyes to open and focus. I start for the bathroom but I seemed to have misplaced the clip that holds my hair back.

Oh here it is.

I brush my teeth and notice how bloodshot my eyes are still. But I don't care at the moment and continue to allow my electric toothbrush do all of the work. Jeezes I love technology.

I finish packing my bag and say good bye to my grandma. She also seems to be sleepy but she' s a trooper and half so she wakes up at about 6:30 am. What a character she is! She tells it's going to rain so I should take an umbrella. But I tell her I don't have to because I'm inside all day. Being the stubborn one, she hands it to me and I give it. It's my grandma so of course I can't say no.

I get to work. I stretch my fingers and prepare myself for some action upon the keyboard, but not in my mind.

Faster and faster my fingers fly punching in those numbers and a few obscure letters to help the company keep track of records and put out orders. I'm getting paid quite a bit so I keep my mouth shut from screaming, "I'm bored."

7.5 hours pass by and there's only a half hour left to go. I spend that half hour playing games on msn because there's no more work to do and EO is too redundent or I'm on Ebay.

4:30 pm: I get to leave to repeat this cycle all over again.

p.s: Thanks Will, I'm loving those albums.