I took the kiddies swimming on sunday and as I was sitting in the mini-kids pool, I started to feel disillusioned and despondent and I couldn't think why. Usually I can think of why and start to think of reasons too. I could tell that I'm missing something in life and it made me feel even worse. The despondency of me and my views have come to an understanding.
I've quit. And I didn't even know it.
But it's okay. The limited time that one gets to enjoy something is what makes it beautiful and tragic. So is tragedy beautiful?
Yes.
Only tragedy can bring out the meaning and intent of life because if you didn't know that you could loose it one day, you'll never learn to cherish it. But I myself have yet to be given a chance to savor and taste the cherries of life and derive my personal interpretation of it. I'm not hoping for a tragedy, but I feel like one.
Speaking of feelings, they will be the end of me. For I feel like a failure and empty of what I was hoping for. Lacking and detached. I cannot achieve what I've been longing to be ever since I was 14 and it makes me frustrated and even more despondent when I see other people with it when they've done nothing to get it. It was handed to them. I've tried and I keep trying. But nothing of that sort results.
So fuck it.
No not really, I'm going to keep trying but I doubt that I'll achieve it.
Honestly, I think I need new friends.
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