Your main reason to blog is to:
1. keep friends up to date about your oh-so exciting life
2. to practice writing
3. for the hell of it
Why isn't there a catergory for venting and to allow myself to ramble endlessly about shit that doesn't neccesarily make sense to others but I could really give two shits? Discrimination I tell you. Prejudice against the angry, frustrated, and trapped.
Actually I'm just saying. I mean, who takes their time to type all of this stuff up for the hell of it?
On Friday, my three beloved siblings and I went to Eric's meet and greet bbq for his wedding. Nice neighbourhood and his floors were done nicely but considering how the four of us are considerably younger and than his friends, it was awkward city. We didn't fit in, outsiders, non-confromists; however you want to say it. Nonetheless, our cousin fed us and allowed us to witness a part of the wedding preparation. Oh boy I can't wait! It's already Auguest and I can't believe he's getting married. On the drive home I couldn't help but feel like the world is trying to hurry along time as fast as it can. It really feels like yesterday that I was watching my two cousis at dinner insulting each other making Sarah and I laugh. Now one of them is getting married and there are two other little ones for them to tickle!
Speaking of the wedding, I bet my cousis won't even allow me to have a beer or anything. They still think I'm eight or something! Well I don't plan on getting sloshed or anything but it's a wedding! Plus it'll be the only wedding until Edwin gets married and I have no idea when that will be. It'll be too long of a wait I believe. Perhaps I'll just disguise it as something else. Oh the art of invisibilty and deception. My favourite kind.
I recieved the lesson this weekend of appreciating and savoring what is in your life. This, coming from a person with pessemistic eyes and a non-stop bitter mouth, is pretty evolutionary. Yes, I know. Nothing is perfect and when I do make it perfect (well, me perfect), I have to allow it to be destroyed. If everything stayed perfect the first time, where would I learn my mistakes? Plus, I'm sure I'll run out of things to perfect. Now where would my life be then? (I love you Grandma).
Even so, I'm still a little lost as to what my life has become. It doesn't mean I neccesarily dislike it but....well it does. I do dislike my life, more often then I would hope to. I just feel so futile and drained most of the time. It seems like everyone else has something going for them and they have something that's theirs. Summer is almost over and I haven't even been able to play the sport that I look most forward to in this blessed season. I'm pretty sure my adrenal gland is pretty stale (or atleast in domant state) because I haven't had the excitment of ....well anything! The short and cheap thrills that amusement park rides used to provide me give me something less than amusement. Specifically, I'm not entertained. Give me my fucking thirty dollars back.
Lost is weakly describing how I see myself. Maybe transparent, as in I'm fading away is a better way of saying it.
So in the event that I do become completely invisible, I hereby hold my heart in my hands and place in it Will's and Natalie's possession. They're the only ones that I know that won't cast it aside due to ignorance.
I don't care what any lawyer says. This is fucking legal.
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