"Let's not shit ourselves"

It's going to be shitty anyway so why dress it up in shitty efforts when you know there's going to be shitty results.

Well shit, my bad.

My mother says shit when something is wrong or when something hasn't gone her way. I told her to shut up once when I was about 12 years old and she got really upset. How can she think it's okay for her to curse unhibitedly when I can't tell her to stop talking to me? Of course I was only 12 years old and it was disrespectful but has she considered disrespecting me when she says shit so much? She even says it when Jason and Marissa are around and they're some of the most impressionable people I know (amoung someone else who I will not mention). I'm not suppose to curse around my parents and I hate it when I do because it's rude but they make me so mad sometimes that I want to smash the kitchen table just so they'll listen to me.

Wait, "listen" is the wrong word. Maybe for them to realize I'm not always full of shit and selfish tendencys.

Or maybe even just for them to realize what it's like to be in my position.

Fuck that. It'll never happen.

Needless to say, I can't wait until I move out. I love my family but I can't live with them simply because I'm too much like my dad and too much like my mom. I got the bad combination. Damn you synpasis and damn you odds. I could've at least had my dad's metabolism speed. Shit that'd be sweet.

Ok one more rant then I can get back to my oh-so exciting life.

People can be wrong and even mentally incapable of making decisions that society sees as rationable, but everyone deserves to be listened to. So get off your fucking high horse and let the other person talk. Consider what they have to say and consider why they're talking about the things they're talking about. Even let them talk first so the atmosphere isn't so tense.

Now if people knew and could understand the simple concept of listening, I think there will be less people who are frustrated, marginalized, and maybe even serial killers.

To breath this air is discovering loss of not just others or even useless material objects, but of yourself and what you've built of yourself throughout these years.

Thankfully for me there's salvation when rain is present. The dark clouds are heavenly and bring relief to this over wrought character.


P.S: Don't be so fucking dramatic for fucksakes.

'I'm here to get you!"

I found a dead bug on the back of an order that came in and it grossed me out. It was not completely squished either, the wing of the bug was still erect and sort of pointing at me. At that moment I could hear the bug taunt and say, "I'm here to get you."

Of course that will never happen since it's dead and cannot move but that's only one insect dead. With our luck, there was probably 600 more that just cracked itself into the world and replaced that dead one. Stupid insects, I wish they didn't have their chitinous shell and their ability to fly. Let the rain soak you to death and water loss to de-hydrate your tiny, highly-segmented bodies. As for locomotion, you can roll around instead. That way there's no specific intention for a certain direction and easier for me to kill. Die insects die.

On a happier note, I'm really excited for the weekend to end because there's a chance for swimming with the kiddies (it sucks the energy out of Jason so he's not so reckless) and tennis! The hitting of fuzzy yellow balls make me happy.

My co-worker showed us her puppy today and I fell in love with her instantly. She's so adorable and so energetic and just so cute! Oh my I want one but I don't know if I'll be able to handle the mess. =(

Hello weekend of fun and a clean room =)

P.S: I'm not emo dammit, I just happen to really like Conor Oberst.

It's fucking hilarious alright?!

I watched a new episode of the newlyweds last night and I have to say it was the most entertaining and ab-straining episode.

I couldn't believe how much Sarah resembles Jessica Simpson, except Jessica Simpson probably has better hygiene habits.

No more shoes or bags!

Stupid

Alberta's 100th birthday is coming up and the city decides to spend money on placing cops in downtown to "clean up the streets". Sure, it's an effort to make the city "look" cleaner for the celebration, but am I the only one that sees how stupid and blinded that decision is?

What are the police going to do? Enforce the laws stronger in downtown?

Oh he looks like he hasn't shaved or bathed in a few days, lets go hassle him and make him feel more marginalized.
And better yet, he's pushing his cart full of his only worthy possessions, lets go write him a ticket or even throw him into jail for a night. That will teach him!

What the fuck is that going to do? Give the poor a hard time and you make the world a better place? Is it a crime to push a cart through the streets full of stuff?
If it is, I'm expecting to see a lot of grocery shoppers in the law courts downtown agruing or paying for that ticket!

There are few roads that I can think of that needs patching up, alley ways, and buildings that should be either demolized or renovated. But all of that has to wait because of the wisemen in the meeting rooms that saw how efficent and promising it is to spend money on cops to police the class under some more.

I'm not neive or much too compassionate. But really, is this the smartest way to spend the taxpayers money. And since I'm one of them, I can strongly no you fucking idiots. Why isn't more time and money being spent on programs or whatever to pick the bums off of the streets so they don't turn to desperation? Is yelling at them in a police uniform going to do that?

"Oh, an arrogant police officer just yelled at me today and told me to shower and get my ass off the streets. I think I'll take their demeaning comments and use them to pick myself up."

Yes there are people who might think that way, but that's rare and it only happens in movies to jerk at the audiences hearts. Otherwise, they're not going to care and will just become more resentful.

I don't have an answer to solve the homeles problem but there must a middle between marginalizing them and giving them too much help.

Maybe we should start by enforcing safe sex or something to reduce the amount of people in the age group 15-24.

I cannot get over how ridiculous and how angry it makes me. When I looked at the face of the homeless man who just got bothered by these two policemen (hired for the centenial), I could feel the frustration and anger because they decided to pick on him because he doesn't have the chance to commit those white collar crimes that keep him from incarcenation.

"It's not what is underneath that is who you are...

...it's what you do that defines you."

I watched Batman Begins yesterday and I absolutley loved it. I couldn't stop thinking about the movie when I was driving home. There's a sense of realism and even optimism from the movie that made me realize even the immensly wealthy can be desperate. Whether it be desperate for salvation or an apple, it changes a person. A person pushes aside what's true to them to get to the things that are presented in front of their face. It could be money or even sanity from the horrors of life. What ever it is, it exists in the world and recently people have extorted that desperation to achieve their goals.

Those goals weren't for the good of all man kind but possibly for the good of their dreams. Again, when one is desperate almost anything is possible.

It is the greedy and evil that take feeling and use it to get what they want. They don't care for what happens to what or whom. The way that I see it, it is those who extort or even mock those in desperation are the evils of the world and deserve to be incarcenated without parol, not the ones who commit the petty crimes.

Maybe with some enlightment and open minds something can be done to rid away corruption or uneccesarry death of the human civilization. Or maybe people won't care and just let the dice fall as they may.

I think we need more Batman's in this world. I'm not too sure about Robin though but this world can always use a few more grand sidekicks.

p.s: I think the British are just GRAND.

Cheers

My best wishes to the family who owns the Macs near my house off of 34 ave. It's sad to see how close brutality and ruthlessness can be to you. Although I didn't know the family I'm positive that they're good people and that the two men murdred didn't deserve it. They always seemed so cheerfull and hardworking even though lots of kids and loudmouths go in there.

Deals

The three of us bought my sister a mp3 player for 50 dollars when it regularly retails for 170 dollars from Visions and paid the extra 24 dollars for warranty. Visions must have some other business on the side or within the store because I have never seen another electronic store offer that kindof a deal. They even said they would return the 24 dollars if we don't use the warranty! It's nuts. I smell organized crime.

Oh man I got pulled in by my profs. lectures.

Nevertheless, she'll never have to steal my H320 anymore.
Now she better keep up her end of the deal and bring that PS2 over along with tekken 5 and yes I'll even settle for Star Wars. Those light sabers and control over them in the virtual world is awesome. I don't have a whole lot against Star Wars but I'd rather watch the comic movies. Even though they suck sometimes, like X1 and Hulk, I'll watch it.

So bring it.

The games not the heat, stupid heat bag.

I have about 8 of the Bright Eyes now, 9 including my record. Now I need to start on those collaboration albums and those will be a bitch to get because they're even LESS popular than the Bright Eyes ones. Whyte Ave here I come.

P.S: my buttons came in and I love them =)

Off to Winners and Old Navy

Oh the pain

I hate it when the phone rings when I'm sleeping, especially when people shove the phone at my sleepy face and yell at me to pick up. Can't you see that I'm sleeping? We have fucking caller ID, I'll call them back when I come to focus. That's why I fucking requested caller Id.

I don't usually take naps but I get so tired that I have to and all of you know how early I get up and how late I sleep. So stop fucking shoving the fucking cordless in my face and screaming at me to talk to the person. If it's important than my anger will subside but if it's trivial or if I said I would call them when I get an answer, don't give me the phone.

It just makes me mad because they could at least not yell at me to answer; as if the alarm clock is not bad enough.

At least I'm used to the alarm clock; the ringing no longer stabs at my ear drums and make the three little bones shake endlessly. But when someone yells at me when I'm sleeping it hurts my ears so much. So stop it.

Yes I had a good day.

Father's day is coming up so that means anther family dinner. Hoooorrrahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I don't hate the dinners but I'd rather be playing tennis or finish the over due chores at home. I can't wait till we rip the carpet out and put in hardwood floors. I wouldn't be surprised if the kiddies did something to it though. Maybe I should cover everything in bubble wrap or if not them except for they're face.

No I'm kidding that's unreasonable.

Yes it's compulsive and even obsessive but I hate it when the kiddies ruin it, especially if it's new. I don't know what my mother is thinking anyway. Why would we spend money to make the house look better if the kiddies are just going to ruin it? Well not ruin but make it more difficult to keep it in good condition. They have a good record of ruining my things after all.

I wish I didn't have to sleep. I could get so much done in such a short amount of time. It would be great! Of course I'd probably break down in a week, maybe even 3 days but jeezes it would be revolutionary!


Oh jeezes I have my crim final today and then I'm done. Remember, a goal of the west is to stop the fanatacism and radical teachings. Then and only then can terrorism be stopped. Even the ones with a universtiy education get caught up the "cause" and believe that their violent actions are justified.

Good luck to me today.

So many things to do...

...with such little time.

I know and I apologize but like last year, I can't do anything about it unless I'm held back

But I don't want to be held back.

So close
I'm so close I can feel it and I cannot wait!

July: hello Calgary =)

My crim final is tomorro and then I'll be done.

Good luck to me on Thursday.

Thanks

I love this song

A Perfect Sonnet
lately i've been wishing i had one desire
something that would make me never want another
something that would make it so that nothing matters
all would be clear then
but i guess i'll have to settle for a for a few brief moments
and watch all dissolve into a single second
and try to write it down into a perfect sonnet
or one foolish line
because that's all that you'll get so you'll have to accept
you are here and then you're gone
but i believe that lovers should be tied together and
thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather
and left there to drown
left there to drown
in their innocence
but as for me i'm coming to the final chapter
i read all of the pages and there is still no answer
only all that was before i know must soon come after
that is the only way it can be
so i stand in the sun
and i breathe with my lungs
trying to spare myself the weight of the truth
saying everything you have ever seen was just a mirror
and you've spent your whole life sweating in an endless fever
and now you are laying ina bathtum full of freezing water
wishing you were a ghost
but once you knew a girl and you named her lover
and danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer
but autumn came, she disappeared
you don't remember where she said she was going to
but you know that she is gone because she left you a song
that you don't want to sing
we're singing i believe that lovers should be chained together
and thrown into a fire with their songs and letters
and left there to burn in their arrogance
but as for me i'm coming to my final failure
i've killed myself with changes trying to make it better
but i still ended up becoming something other than what i had planned to be
now i believe that lovers should be draped in flowers
and layed entwined together on a bed of clover
and left there to sleep
left there to dream of their happiness

Done!!

Well almost. By thursday I'll have completed my spring class and say goodbye to the university for two whole months. In these two months I plan to:

• organize my room- perhaps get a bookshelf?
  
• do such good yard work that my lawn is the greenest of them all
  
• set up my trampoline maybe?
  
• put my rollerblades to good use
  
• play tennis everyother day
  
• save up money- this will be the most difficult
  
• volunteer
  
• spend quality time with buddies galore =)
  
• maybe go to Calgary
  

For now, study and type in numbers and few letters here and there. Weeeeeee

p.s: I envy all those who get to leave Edmonton

AND

I got to leave work a half hour early today =) Eat that arrogant assholes.

it's shits and giggles girls and boys

The claps of thunder break the air and all tensions are released. As the rain washes away arguments, misunderstandings, mistakes, and plain foolishness, my vision is once again revived.

But only as long as the rain keeps coming and as long as you mean what you say. If you don't, stay away from me or I'll allow the thunder to strike at you.

You see, the thunder is on my side when it's present. I love it so much that it's now mine. So keep raining, otherwise I'll return to my original state of bleakness, self-pity, and vanity.

Call me a hypocrite for letting others see it as shits and giggles but it's not over until the rain is here to dilute away my character and perhaps reveal something better. The ironic thing is (well one of the ironic things) that sometimes something is nothing.

But like it's said, nothing lasts forever and I whole heartedly agree. So soak it up now fuckers before it all passes you by.

Have a good day and Thanks.

My best wishes

My condolences go out to Melissa, a co-worker whose mother just recently past away. May she rest in peace.

Ring Ring

Is that my cell phone ringing?

Not yet but it will be! Goodbye shitty motorola that I once loved before I realized how weak you are and hello samsung! Don't disappointment me now. In addition I hope I can change the face plate.

I am very eager right now to pack my bags and head off across the border to the big apple or to the city that's home to immigrants galore and master junkies or to half way around the world and see what it's like to live on the other side. Sadly I'm given none of these options but to stay in Edmonton and work. I shouldn't use the word 'work' actually. It's more like push and push until my body feels deprived of freedom and food.

That means I'm tired (an understatement actually) but it'll be worth it. Perhaps I'll be able to squish Calgary into my schedule.... =)

My spring class will come to an end soon and so will Marissa's soccer season. This means I'll be able to do other things after work! But I need to get some volunteer experience so I guess I'll be doing that and hopefully a second job. I need funds for shoes and other items that girls are entitled to. Let the hunt begin. Move over ladies and gentlemen or else I'll have to run you over with my jetta.

Just kidding I'm not inhumane.

You talk like you're drunk when you're in front of me but I still love you, even when you fall on me.

My polka dot dress is not just for shits and giggles...

...ladies and gentlemen, I intend to wear it to my cousins wedding. Of course they laughed at me at first but they'll grow to like it. Besides, Sarah's wearing my black one and that's the extent of my dress collection.

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=7078&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=336&iSubCat=593&iProductID=7078
This is one of the presents that I'll get my cousin just because he's so great.

No I'm kidding, he'll think I'm more of a lunatic than I already am. Maybe I'll just buy it for myself!

Speaking of my cousin's wedding, it'll be the first wedding that I've ever attended and I can't wait! Knowing them, they'll probably take my enthusiasm as an opportunity and make me do jobs here and there. But it's okay, I'm glad to help. Oooo I can't wait! People will be dressed up and happy and maybe even intoxicated! But of course I cannot be. It'll be wierd if I went around telling everyone that I love them; especially since I'll more than likely run into them once again.

So I have a midterm tomorrow and I'm getting excited to get it over with. Classical school (Baccaria), positive school (Lombroso), statistical school (4 guys), all shaped our Criminal code today. If it wasn't for these ideas and the research that was done, torture and very inhumane methods of detterance and punishment might still be used today.

So thanks.

Good luck to me tomorrow!

P.S: I can't wait for my cell phone to ring once again. Peace is sometimes over rated.

I hope Theresa is having a good time on vacation with her family. I know I would like it if we went somewhere.

Holly Friggen Mollies

It's 6:00 am, I force my stubborn eyes to open and focus. I start for the bathroom but I seemed to have misplaced the clip that holds my hair back.

Oh here it is.

I brush my teeth and notice how bloodshot my eyes are still. But I don't care at the moment and continue to allow my electric toothbrush do all of the work. Jeezes I love technology.

I finish packing my bag and say good bye to my grandma. She also seems to be sleepy but she' s a trooper and half so she wakes up at about 6:30 am. What a character she is! She tells it's going to rain so I should take an umbrella. But I tell her I don't have to because I'm inside all day. Being the stubborn one, she hands it to me and I give it. It's my grandma so of course I can't say no.

I get to work. I stretch my fingers and prepare myself for some action upon the keyboard, but not in my mind.

Faster and faster my fingers fly punching in those numbers and a few obscure letters to help the company keep track of records and put out orders. I'm getting paid quite a bit so I keep my mouth shut from screaming, "I'm bored."

7.5 hours pass by and there's only a half hour left to go. I spend that half hour playing games on msn because there's no more work to do and EO is too redundent or I'm on Ebay.

4:30 pm: I get to leave to repeat this cycle all over again.

p.s: Thanks Will, I'm loving those albums.

Too early

I found out today that Rilo Kiley and songs: ohia are popular in the other parts of the world! How crazy! Maybe they're not obessesed or overwhelmed by the large amount of rap/r&b/hip-hop like it is here.
I think it's a good thing actually, but not because I enjoy rap/r&b/hip-hop.

I REALLY hope to go to New York one day. Maybe more like NOW. I want to be able to see all of those amazing live rock shows, especially Conor Oberst. Plus maybe then I can head over to see the famous CBGB, if they're not closed.
I hope they don't close it simply because it has housed so many successful bands of underground rock. To close it is like the end of a era that shouldn't be forced to close its chapter yet.

Of course I'm being too dramatic but I want to see it!
I woke up too early this morning and it's too early for CBGB to close down. But it's not too early for me to pack my bags and head to New York to experience good quality live music.
Well not to me anyway...sort of. To my parents the trip would be a waste and would probably force me to the museums and what nots. I acutally enjoy museums but I would never choose museums or famous sites over live music.

I'm crazy, but not stupid.

Latley I can't seem to stop buying shoes! I used to never have a strong affliation with shoes but I guess people change or get bored. I think I got bored. There are only so many different washes or cuts of jeans that one can be into. But shoes present endless possibilities that feed my bored mind with a dash of thrill when I unleash them on the unsuspecting public. Eat these you arrogant assholes.

No not everyone's an asshole, but you know who you are.