The light bounces off the sequinces of my bag and strikes at my eye.

I was almost blinded by bag when I was driving to work this morning because the sun was sort of out and by chance it struck a number of the sequinces on my bag that was on the seat beside me and as I was shoulder-checking, a beam light happened to of passed through my pupils and through my lens and shocked me. When it hit my retina, my optical nerves gave me quite a jolt. Oh shit.

Speaking of chances, THEY FUCKING SUCK.

I'm very tempted right now to dislike dogs right away and vow to never own one. I don't deal well with shedding animals anyway. It was like the butterfly effect and it all just happened the way it did. Fuck. And now I'm TORN between what I should do. Maybe we can strike a deal but I don't know what kindof a deal I can make. I'm sure my grandma doesn't want anything. I'm sure my mom will want to make them pay or guarantee something some how. I wish I took a legal course so I at least know some of the legalities. This just proves that life isn't black and white and it kindof pisses me off.

Anyway I'm hoping for the dogs to be up to date with their shots and that the lady can get me those reports soon. I want to get this over with.

Sarah's right. I don't like asking for help, but I like to ask for some sort of support and understanding. So fucking stop shoving words in my face and let me say mine. Just listen.






Let's hang'em high.

In this picture it looks like Mr. Oberst has two different eye colors. Maybe it's just me but I love it and it's very daunting.
http://www.pearljamonline.it/be/TITLES/foto/34570976_l.jpg

It's alright to tear, it's good for the heart.

...so is screaming while you are singing in the car. After all, you're alone in the car and your cell phone isn't ringing off the hook or anything and even though other drivers will realize that you're really into your music, you don't give a two shits because are you ever going to see them again?

No.

Besides, it's not like you're commiting a crime or setting yourself up for a tragedy; you're just releasing built up tension.

Now scream. Scream from the bottom of your stomach and let that ripple through every cell of every tissue in your flawed and worn body. Let it tickle out of your throat and disrupt the flow of the pollution and shit around you.

Do this and you'll be rid of the tension in your mind and heart, but remember to pick an appropriate place. I'm not going to take responsibility if you break ear drums or make babies cry.

I only guarantee that this method will help unwind you and release all that tension stored up inside; especailly in the heart. I'm not talking about your actual and tangiable heart muscle but the heart that's susceptable to emotional and spiritual pain. So I guess it's the front part of your brain and your hormones. Either way, screaming will do wonders for you heart but will torture your throat with the burning sensation of impending satisfaction.

On another note, it's perfectly fine to drain out your tear ducks every now and then. Personally it clogs my sinuses and makes all the blood rush to my head and it gets expressed through my epidermis but fuck it feels good to break out and let the truth that I tried to so hard to hide flood out. Of course this has to be done in moderation and used with diligence and discretion. Otherwise there will be a lack of meaning and understanding and neutral ground will not be achieved.

There are times when it's good to do things in excess but don't keep if frequent. Otherwise you're just a drama queen.

Cheers

Songs:ohia, Azure Ray, and Norah Jones: thank you for putting me to sleep and for putting my mind at ease. Of course none of you musical marvels will ever see this but I hope all of you understand how your mellow and methodical tunes play an important part in keeping my homeostatsis intact.

I'm totally addicted to my book and I can't stop wanting to read it! If only work was totally dead then I could crack it open but they always find something, whether it be deathly monotonous or not, to do.

What a shame. What a fucking shame.

It's somewhat eerie but I can actually see myself in the shoes of the protangonist in the book. One big differenece though is that all of those elements that I reconigze are part of me when I was much younger. When my naive stage was still with me. It's true! I didn't have any experiences with anything and I would run into situations where I had no idea what to do.

I guess I'm growing out of it and I still am. Though I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I had part time jobs and I was trained (or at least pushed) by my mother to be less dependent on other people. I try. So don't get mad at me if I don't immediatley ask for help because I want to at least try to do it myself first. I hope Sarah gets a job because she can be so naive it's unbearable.

I hope I don't keep buying items like no tomorrow though like Becky. It feels good to shop but I think that will only be okay when I win the lottery. Let's keep our fingers crossed boys and girls.

..."[she's] feeling despondent"

I took the kiddies swimming on sunday and as I was sitting in the mini-kids pool, I started to feel disillusioned and despondent and I couldn't think why. Usually I can think of why and start to think of reasons too. I could tell that I'm missing something in life and it made me feel even worse. The despondency of me and my views have come to an understanding.

I've quit. And I didn't even know it.

But it's okay. The limited time that one gets to enjoy something is what makes it beautiful and tragic. So is tragedy beautiful?

Yes.

Only tragedy can bring out the meaning and intent of life because if you didn't know that you could loose it one day, you'll never learn to cherish it. But I myself have yet to be given a chance to savor and taste the cherries of life and derive my personal interpretation of it. I'm not hoping for a tragedy, but I feel like one.

Speaking of feelings, they will be the end of me. For I feel like a failure and empty of what I was hoping for. Lacking and detached. I cannot achieve what I've been longing to be ever since I was 14 and it makes me frustrated and even more despondent when I see other people with it when they've done nothing to get it. It was handed to them. I've tried and I keep trying. But nothing of that sort results.

So fuck it.


No not really, I'm going to keep trying but I doubt that I'll achieve it.

Honestly, I think I need new friends.

So apparently all the cool kids play Tennis now and it has become a trend. Don't quote me on this, it's just what I've heard other people say. Will thinks it's partly because I kept telling people about how I like to play and what nots. I don't really think so considering how I don't talk about that much...I think.

Anyway, I don't really care. Unless of course all of these cool kids start to hog the courts. Then I might have to start burning some more raquets.
tee hee hee

Wedding Crashers is a movie worth paying for. Even though it's sort of sappy and one of those chick flick type-movies, it was packed with comedy and even some action! I can't remember the last time that a movie caused me to laugh so hard.

Photograph everything because even though I myself might not believe it....

...it exists as something on the negatives. That something will eventually mean something to me when I cannot bear to leave the house due to heay pollution, heavy traffic, and a bad back (knocks on wood). Of course this will not occur for sometime but like I said before, nothing lasts forever.

Let's all soak up all that is now and will not be in the future.
---------Generally speaking

I feel as though I've been thrown into my 30's where I'm stuck at a job where I stare at the radiating computer all day and go home to 2 screaming , but lovely kids, and continue to look in the mirror to see an image I cannot register.

But yet I still like to look at picture that's plastered on to the mirror because it satisfies the vain portion of my very being.

My share of time is limited as is with everyone else, but I'm trying not to drink it up so quickly as it would be deadly. So watch as I take what I have at this moment and use to satisfy every bored bone in me and get lost in the exhilaration of inhibition.

durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I'm so addicted to tennis ever since last year. I wish I won the lottery and was able to build an indoor tennis court that can be used as a badminton court and an attached basketball court. I would never leave; except to shower and go shopping.

tee hee hee =)

It's not always me

The elderly and older generations (relative to my age) speak of how the younger generations are loosing or have lost perspective of what is important and/or moral. I disagree; of course my opinion is biased considering how I am part of the younger generation. It's not that the ageless are reckless all the time, but trying to experience everything before their time is up. We must savor what we have because before we know it, it'll be gone and all we'll have is the faint memory of what life was.

On that note, I cannot wait to go out once again. To taste the flavour of life and fun is what I wait for during the daily grind. Happy early birthday Theresa!

Anyway, I don't think the young have lost perspective of anything. After all, we haven't experienced everything so what perspective have we lost if we haven't gained it.

Yes this is transparent. It's an elaborate plead to just let me try things without condeming me. I used to think that it's okay for me to not care what my elders think sometimes, but it actually does matter. If I don't care to try, I won't care about the mistakes that others make in the future. So for me and for the futures of others, let me go.


I stare at those pointing fingers and I visualize protest signs that scream for control and I get lost in the exhilaration of inhibition.

Okay maybe not so.

I look at it on my right side as it just sits there without any purpose now that I've forgotten an essential. How utterly stupid and forgetful of me considering how I feel that I cannot pass a day of work without it. I have to leave it idle for today, except for when I go home. So useless now that it doesn't have what I forgot, kindof like a car without a steering wheel.

Which reminds me, I have to buy a garden hose and go to the bank.

My parents came home this weekend and stayed for an entire Saturday instead of the usual 6 hour visits. My mom hasn't changed but it seems as though the less I see my dad the easier it is to get along with him. I guess the distance gives us less chances to fight over trival items.

I rode around in the rental car all day with my parents and 2 younger siblings on Saturday (our car was in the shop) and from this experience I can say with an air of confidence that I will never buy an Echo. It's extremely fuel efficent but it's uncomfortable and I would never know how to get traction in the winter. I don't even think it can!

Okay maybe not so, it'll get some.

Where am I?

Every now and then, it feels like I'm in the middle. Indistinguishable from the everyday crowd and mumble jumble but not exactly part of anything.

So I'm aside of everyone but not different enough to get pulled out. I don't feel indifferent, just different. Maybe more like I don't belong. The trend is to be cool by knowing all of these band names to gain that arrogance and snob-ish air that the indie music craze has created. It's stupid if you ask me. If you're going to throw in a band name out of no where and make it sound like you know something, at least know facts. They try so hard to be cool that they've turned around in a complete circle and now they've ended up back where they have started.

Though there is one difference, they look more stupid than they did before. Har dee har har

I'll stick to what I love most, cars, Bright Eyes, tennis, shopping, thriller novels, clubbing, and my closest ones. And last but most certaintly not least, Will. I'm sure some one think I'm cool =D

I went for lunch at Sherlock Homes pub today for lunch and work and I was so stuffed; acutally I still AM full. Wow it's nice to have an employer that can afford to celebrate their emplyoees' birthdays without having to cut their wages or their jobs!

Hooray for multi-million corporations =D

My parents seem to have this ability to plan for trips where I have things I really want to do. For instance, I wanted to go to the car show this weekend, a friend's bbq, and Theresa's paintballing trip. But now I cannot go because I need to spend time with my parents. I love them and all but couldn't this whole family time thing been earlier or next week? Or even all of these events been next week? Oh wells I guess that's the way it goes! Which means I'm going to be going out more often to make up for this and having so much more fun!

I can't wait.

My very awesome co-worker introduced me to this radio station and I actually like listening to it! I guess I'll be pushing FM button on my car steoro more often now.

My best wishes go out to all of those who have been injured by the bombings and to the families who have lost loved ones. It's a war that's beeing raged silently until the bombs go off and no one knows what to do about it. Attacking a country out right is not going to help considering how the Al Qaeda group is so determined and internationally based (assuming Al Qaeda is responsible). My question is how many more bombings is it going to take for the world to wake up and realize that we cannot deal with terrorism like our ancestors did with Hitler and in Germany in general in World War one? This is going to be a tough one. It already is.

Maybe the genius who placed those police downtown can help us figure out a way.

Greetings

My name is Gloria and I let things that I love rule my life.

This blog might soon need life support

I don't update as much on here simply because it's gotten a little more busy at work. Yesterday I was asked if I could stay for an extra hour after work. I wouldn't of minded since I get double pay, but my arms were ready to fall off and crawl away to a person that might not put them on the keyboard as much.

I've been thinking about religion and whether or not I should take part in it. I've always believed in heaven but also in reincarnation. I only believed there was a heaven because of the American-based media that we have installed into our homes and the general opinon of the public. The public being the people at school, not the Chinese community. If it was up to the Chinese community, I'd be going to temple and know why the Buddists believe in reincarnation instead of heaven and hell. But there are some Chinese people who have not converted and still believes that the colors of red and gold will drive away the devil (not only do the colors serve superstitious purposes, but they are very festive!).

I don't know much about Buddism so I don't have much to write about right now but I favor Buddism as a religion because I've been a little alienated from other religions. Which is okay, I mean religion should be a choice, not a requirement when I'm at this age. I just wish my parents took a little more time to teach me about it so it's not entirely lost on the kiddies. On the same note, I've come to realize how disappointed I am at him. He was sort of the driving force of Westernization for us and it's great to some extent. The religion part I'm not too great about but it hasn't had a significant impact on the kiddies yet. But I wish I could understand to fuller extent as to why I'm so disappointed. Maybe I'm just too alienated.

I saw Garden State not too long ago and now I think Natalie Portman is way too cute and Zach Braff is just too cool. But don't worry, I still like Conor Obesrt =).