How come no one ever told me!

No one has ever told me how funny I look when I am alone. My facial expression is not centered or even remotely fair. Now I know why people look at me funny sometimes! I guess it would be awkward for someone to come up to me and tell me that my face looks funny when I am not talking to someone.

I have also noticed that when I smile, the left side of my face tends to go up first. This only happens when I smile slowly and not when I laugh (at least I hope so).

Either way, I am not sure exactly how many people have noticed but I hope that they do forget it.

My parents came home this weekend and I basically spent my Saturday feeling like shit (this always happens on the first day), driving my mom around, and investing. Yes I actually invested. After three grueling hours of what seemed like information from a very well designed pamphelet, Sarah and I made a decision that neither of us really understood. But I hope it works out. I then spent a good couple of hours at home by myself. It's rare that this occurs and when it does, it's really odd. Much too odd for me to handle so I blasted some Metric and Jet and danced around while I was trying to mimic bakers. Bakers who know how to make brownies that don't turn out flat.

Seriously, it happens every single time. I must be that bad.

And I miss you. Not you or you. But you. And I know it doesn't seem like it and I have never mentioned it but I do. I miss you so much. I have thought about it over and over again and honeslty, it was enough for me. It was enough. Sufficient and suffice.

I just wish it was sufficient and suffice now but clearly it isn't.

And clearly shoving material goods at me and rushing to the finish line isn't enough.

I am not sure what it is but I was really hoping to not fall into the stereotype where roles switch and we are caught in a position where no one lets go or improves.

Thing is I can't let go because it is something I need. I don't just need the finish line. I need everything. Everything and anything in between.

Otherwise I end up feeling nothing. Maybe if I was robot it wouldn't matter so much. And yes it's true. This is not based on that. It really isn't but just talking to you isn't enough. Talking doesn't give me what I need to feel like I really am part of your life. Not in this kind of a setting anyway.

Also, it's not normal.

And I told you what was wrong. And thanks for hitting me in the eye. It's just what I need to even out my initially crooked smile.