How come no one ever told me!

No one has ever told me how funny I look when I am alone. My facial expression is not centered or even remotely fair. Now I know why people look at me funny sometimes! I guess it would be awkward for someone to come up to me and tell me that my face looks funny when I am not talking to someone.

I have also noticed that when I smile, the left side of my face tends to go up first. This only happens when I smile slowly and not when I laugh (at least I hope so).

Either way, I am not sure exactly how many people have noticed but I hope that they do forget it.

My parents came home this weekend and I basically spent my Saturday feeling like shit (this always happens on the first day), driving my mom around, and investing. Yes I actually invested. After three grueling hours of what seemed like information from a very well designed pamphelet, Sarah and I made a decision that neither of us really understood. But I hope it works out. I then spent a good couple of hours at home by myself. It's rare that this occurs and when it does, it's really odd. Much too odd for me to handle so I blasted some Metric and Jet and danced around while I was trying to mimic bakers. Bakers who know how to make brownies that don't turn out flat.

Seriously, it happens every single time. I must be that bad.

And I miss you. Not you or you. But you. And I know it doesn't seem like it and I have never mentioned it but I do. I miss you so much. I have thought about it over and over again and honeslty, it was enough for me. It was enough. Sufficient and suffice.

I just wish it was sufficient and suffice now but clearly it isn't.

And clearly shoving material goods at me and rushing to the finish line isn't enough.

I am not sure what it is but I was really hoping to not fall into the stereotype where roles switch and we are caught in a position where no one lets go or improves.

Thing is I can't let go because it is something I need. I don't just need the finish line. I need everything. Everything and anything in between.

Otherwise I end up feeling nothing. Maybe if I was robot it wouldn't matter so much. And yes it's true. This is not based on that. It really isn't but just talking to you isn't enough. Talking doesn't give me what I need to feel like I really am part of your life. Not in this kind of a setting anyway.

Also, it's not normal.

And I told you what was wrong. And thanks for hitting me in the eye. It's just what I need to even out my initially crooked smile.

And to end the blissful weekend

10 items down on the to-do list and about 5 to go. In retrospect though, I think everything was very well done.

Except for when my garage door wouldn't close due to excess snow on the bottom of it.

It doesn't sound harmful but it is! See the snow makes contact with the lasers, which are a safety feature so the garage door doesn't come slamming down on anything, and it causes the garage door to go back up once again. And this leaves me sweeping the entire premise for the culprit.

Though it was easier this time because I knew that it was snow. Not the leaves or something animate. But a form of water that falls only during one season.

Alas, I did not think outside the box and kept looking and cursing at something that clearly had nothing do to with keeping me outside even longer than I had planned for. I apologize and I mean it.

Once the snow was swept and kept out of the lasers way, I made my way inside and proceeded to complain about my hunger that seemed to last for what felt like a mini-eon (I believe those are called.....years?) and gathered up those dust bunnies and escorted them out of my life.

Be gone dust bunnies!

And to the snow that I violently swept away, I am sorry.

P.S: I can't wait to go to Indigo next week!

If only houses came with wheels!

I think city and color is pretty much a go. Jason Collett was a success (which reminds me I still have to pick up the Cd) and its always so much fun to go to shows. Shows that help reinforce the artist's creative nature so that they will keep producing novel items.

If not novel, then no reinforcement.

Contingency rules all but don't worry, contiguity plays a big part here too. If the reinforcement was immediate at shows, the whole experience would be dull and rather unentertaining.

So let's celebrate the people who have cracked a large part of human nature and has allowed these secrets to be shared and fiddled around with. That candy wrapper trick really does increase self-control...so partial satiation but I look at the candy wrappers and I think "Fuck, stop it already."

Yes. You should stop it. If the world of public schooling wasn't so nice to you, you wouldn't be such a bitch. I put part of the blame on one of your superiors too but we all have a choice here. That is what makes the human race one cut about the rest; we can choose. Not just to choose between where would be a good place to sleep tonight (although for some people this can be a daily occurance, and no I'm not talking about the homeless...duh), but to choose whether or not it would be a good idea to mentally and socially push people below you because you think it's right.

Of course, I am here to tell you it's not. Well it is more like I am here to not talk to you. And no I shouldn't be a bigger person and put it behind me because I have done that so many times before. Now look at it. You like to take advantage of it, so you do, and now here we are.

Congratulations. I think you should go out and celebrate, with his money (lets face...you do), all of these years of creating a shitty persona, a fake persona, and a very well deserved relationship with your superior.

Just remember, no one forced you to attain this shitty persona.

And no, I'm not putting it behind me this time.